to pile up in little buildin's
that ar-re called sky-scrapers but not be th' sky; wurrukin' night
an' day to make a masheen that'll carry us fr'm wan jack-rabbit
colony to another an' yellin', 'Pro-gress! 'Pro-gress, oho! I can
see th' stars winkin' at each other an' sayin': 'Ain't they funny!
Don't they think they're playin' hell!'

"No, sir, masheens ain't done much f'r man. I can't get up anny
kind iv fam'ly inthrest f'r a steam dredge or a hydhraulic hist.
I want to see sky-scrapin' men. But I won't. We're about th'
same hight as we always was, th' same hight an' build, composed
iv th' same inflammable an' perishyable mateeryal, an exthra
hazardous risk, unimproved an' li'ble to collapse. We do make
pro-gress but it's th' same kind Julyus Caesar made an' ivry wan
has made befure or since an' in this age iv masheenery we're still
burrid be hand."

"What d'ye think iv th' man down in Pinnsylvanya who says th' Lord
an' him is partners in a coal mine?" asked Mr. Hennessy, who wanted
to change the subject.

"Has he divided th' profits?" asked Mr. Dooley.

Swearing

Did ye see what th' prisidint said to th' throlley man that bumped
him?" asked Mr. Dooley.

"I did not," said Mr. Hennessy. "What was it?"

"I can't tell ye till I get mad," said Mr. Dooley. "Lave us go
into ixicutive sission. Whisper. That was it. Ha, ha. He give
it to him sthraight. A good, honest, American blankety-blank.
Rale language like father used to make whin he hit his thumb with
th' hammer. No 'With ye'er lave' or 'By ye'er lave,' but a dacint
'Damn ye, sir,' an' a little more f'r th' sake iv imphasis.

"What else wud ye have him do? 'Twas nayether th' time nor th'
occasion, as th' candydate said whin they ast him where he got his
money, 'twas nayether th' time nor th' occasion f'r wurruds that
wud be well rayceived at Chatauqua. A throlley car had pushed him
an' diplomatic relations was suspinded. He was up on top iv a
bus, hurryin' fr'm speech to speech an' thinkin' what to say next.
'Th' thrusts,' says he to himsilf, ' are heejous monsthers built
up be th' inlightened intherprise iv th' men that have done so
much to advance pro-gress in our beloved counthry,' he says. 'On
wan hand I wud stamp thim undher fut; on th' other hand not so
fast. What I want more thin th' bustin' iv th' thrusts is to see
me fellow counthrymen happy an' continted. I wudden't have thim
hate th' thrusts. Th' haggard face, th' droopin'