at, takes hold iv th' polis foorce, an' we
raysume our nachral condition iv illagal merrimint. An' th'
rayformer spinds th' rest iv his life tellin' us where we are
wrong. He's good at that. On'y he don't undherstand that people
wud rather be wrong an' comfortable thin right in jail."

"I don't like a rayformer," said Mr. Hennessy.

"Or anny other raypublican," said Mr. Dooley.

Work and Sport

"A hard time th' rich have injyin' life," said Mr. Dooley.

"I'd thrade with thim," said Mr. Hennessy.

"I wud not," said Mr. Dooley. "'Tis too much like hard wurruk.
If I iver got hold iv a little mound iv th' money, divvle th' bit
iv hardship wud I inflict on mesilf. I'd set on a large Turkish
sofa an' have dancin' girls dancin' an' a mandolin orchesthree
playin' to me. I wudden't move a step without bein' carrid. I'd
go to bed with th' lark an' get up with th' night watchman. If
annywan suggested physical exercise to me, I'd give him forty
dollars to go away. I'd hire a prize fighter to do me fightin'
f'r me, a pedesthreen to do me walkin', a jockey to do me ridin',
an' a colledge pro-fissor to do me thinkin'. Here I'd set with
a naygur fannin' me with osterich feathers, lookin' ca'mly out
through me stained glass windies on th' rollin' mills, smokin'
me good five cint seegar an' rejicin' to know how bad ye mus' be
feelin' ivry time ye think iv me hoorded wealth.

"But that ain't th' way it comes out, Hinnissy. Higgins, the
millyionaire, had th' same idee as me whin he was beginnin' to
breed money with a dollar he ownded an' a dollar he took fr'm some
wan that wasn't there at th' time. While he was hammerin' hoops
on a bar'l or dhrivin' pegs into a shoe, he'd stop wanst in a while
to wipe th' sweat off his brow whin th' boss wasn't lookin' an'
he'd say to himsilf: 'If I iver get it, I'll have a man wheel me
around on a chair.' But as his stable grows an' he herds large
dhroves down to th' bank ivry week, he changes his mind, an' whin
he's got enough to injye life, as they say, he finds he's up against
it. His throubles has just begun. I know in his heart Higgins'
ideel iv luxury is enough buckwheat cakes an' a cozy corner in a
Turkish bath, but he can't injye it. He mus' be up an' doin'.
An' th' on'y things annywan around him is up an' doin' is th'
things he used to get paid f'r doin' whin he was a young man.

"Arly in th' mornin' Higgins has got to be out exercisin' a horse
to keep th' horse