re?' Whin th' millyionaire dies
iv exposure, a victim to science, th' mariner rayturns an' letchers
on th' subject: 'Quarrels I have had in th' frozen north.' Talk
about th' terrors, iv Artic exploration, Hinnissy! There's where
ye get thim. Did ye iver go to an Artic exploration letcher? I
did wanst. They was wan down at th' brothers' school las' winther.
I've been lame iver since.

"None iv it in mine, if ye plaze. It's too hot wurrik in thim
clothes. An' aven if ye get up near th' pole, what's it good f'r?
Th' climate is disagreeable, an' th' s'ciety is monotonous.
Ivrybody dhresses alike. Th' wan tailor makes th' clothes f'r
pah, mah, Lucille an' th' Polar bear out iv th' same patthern.
If ye go to coort a girl, ye don't know befure she speaks whether
'tis hersilf or her Uncle Mike. I heerd iv an Artic explorer wanst
that held hands with a Swede sicond mate f'r over an hour befure
he ralized his mistake.

"No, sir, no Artic explorations f'r me, ayether pers'nally or be
check. But if I did go into it, I know who I'd sind. I'd not
fool around with people who begin to cough within sight iv th' car
barns. I'd utilize th' folks in th' neighborhood. I'd pathronize
home industhries. Th' Pole f'r th' polars, says I. They mus' be
hundherds iv la-ads up in that part iv th' wurruld that'd be
willin' to earn an honest dollar be discoverin' th' pole. With
thim 'twud be like ye goin' down to explore th' stock yards. I
bet manny iv thim knows th' pole as well as I know Haley's slough.
Ye'd prob'ly find they've hung their washin' on it f'r years an'
manny iv th' kids has shinned up it."

"Who'd ye sind?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"Esqueemos," said Mr. Dooley.

Machinery

Mr. Dooley was reading from a paper.

"'We live,' he says, 'in an age iv wondhers. Niver befure in th'
histhry iv th' wurruld has such progress been made.'

"Thrue wurruds an' often spoken. Even in me time things has
changed. Whin I was a la-ad Long Jawn Wintworth cud lean his
elbows on th' highest buildin' in this town. It took two months
to come here fr'm Pittsburg on a limited raft an' a stage coach
that run fr'm La Salle to Mrs. Murphy's hotel. They wasn't anny
tillygraft that I can raymimber an' th' sthreet car was pulled be
a mule an' dhruv be an engineer be th' name iv Mulligan. We thought
we was a pro-grissive people. Ye bet we did. But look at us
today. I go be Casey's house tonight an' there it is a fine
storey-an'-a