uk is wurruk if ye're paid
to do it an' it's pleasure if ye pay to be allowed to do it."

The Names of a Week

"What's goin' on this week in th' papers?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"Ivrything," said Mr. Dooley. "It's been a turbylint week. I can
hardly sleep iv nights thinkin' iv th' doin's iv people. Th'
campinily at Venice has fallen down. 'Twas built in 1604 be th'
Beezantiums an' raystored in 1402 be th' Dogs. It fell down because
th' foundations was weak, because th' wind blew, because th'
beautiful figure iv th' goolden angel on top iv it was fifteen
feet high. It will be rebuilt or maybe not. Th' king iv Italy
has given thirty-three billion liars to put it up again, an' siv'ral
ladin' American archytects have offered to do th' job, makin' an
office buildin' iv it. Th' campinily was wan iv th' proudest
monymints iv Italy an' was used as a bell-tower at times, an' at
other times as a gazabo where anny American cud take a peek at th'
gran' canal an' compare it with th' Erie, th' Pannyma an' th'
dhrainage iv the same name.

"Th' king iv England is betther. He's off in his yacht. So ar-re
Laking, Treves, Smith, Barlow, Jones, Casey, Lister, thank Hiven!
A hard life is science. Th' Hon'rable Joseph Choate is raycoverin'
more slowly. He still sobs occas'nally in his sleep an' has
ordhered all th' undher sicreties to have their vermyform appindixes
raymoved as a token iv rayspict f'r th' sthricken nation. Th'
Hon'rable Whitelaw Reid is havin' a cast iv his knee breeches made,
which will be exhibited in New York durin' th' comin' winter.

"Me frind, J. Pierpont Morgan, has been takin' dinner with th'
Impror Willum. It is undherstud he will presint him to th'
Methropolytan Museem iv Art. There are said to be worse things
there.

"Lord Salisberry has thrun up his job. Lord Salisberry was wan
iv th' grandest an' mos' succissful statesmen iv modhren times.
He niver did annything. He is succeeded be his nevvew, Misther
Balfour, if I get th' name right, who has done less. It is expicted
that Misther Balfour will have a good time. On rayceivin' th'
congrathylations iv his colleague, Misther Chamberlain, he bought
himsilf a rayvolver an' took out a policy on his life.

"A lady down east woke her husband up to tell him there was a
burglar in th' house. Th' foolish woman. They'se always burglars
in th' house. That's what burglars are f'r, an' houses. Instead
iv argyin' th' pint in a loud voice, co