eye, th' pallid
complexion that marks th' inimy iv thrusts is not to me taste.
Lave us be merry about it an' jovial an' affectionate. Lave us
laugh an' sing th' octopus out iv existence. Betther blue but
smilin' lips anny time thin a full coal scuttle an' a sour heart.
As Hogan says, a happy peasanthry is th' hope iv th' state. So
lave us warble ti-lire-a-lay--' Jus' thin Euclid Aristophanes
Madden on th' quarther deck iv th' throlley car give a twisht to
his brake an' th' chief ixicutive iv th' nation wint up in th' air
with th' song on his lips. He wint up forty, some say, fifty feet.
Sicrety Cortilloo says three hundherd an' fifty. Annyhow whin he
come down he landed nachrally on his feet.

"Now, Hinnissy, no matther what a man may've been wan minyit befure
he was hit be a throlley car, a minyit afther he's on'y a man.
Th' throlley car plays no fav'rites. It bounces th' high an' th'
low alike. It tears th' exalted fr'm their throne an' ilivates
th' lowly. So whin th' prisidint got back to the earth he wasn't
prisidint anny longer but Tiddy Rosenfelt, 180 pounds iv a man.
An' he done accordin'ly. If it'd been Willum Jennings Bryan,
he'd've ast th' throlley engineer was he a mimber iv th' Union.
If he cud show a wurrukin' card he was entitled to bump anny wan.
At worst Willum Jennings Bryan wud've written an article about
him in th' Commoner, or if he felt unusually vindicative, maybe
he'd sind it to him through th' mails. Whin Sicrety Cortilloo
come to fr'm a dhream that he'd jus' rayfused a favor to Sinitor
Tillman, he hauled out a little note book an' got ready to take
down something that cud be put on th' thransparencies two years
fr'm now--something like--'No power on earth can stop American
business entherprise.' But nawthin' that will iver be printed in
th' first reader dhropped fr'm th' lips iv th' chief exicutive.
With two jumps he was in th' throlley man's hair an' spoke as
follows--No, I won't say it again. But I'll tell ye this much, a
barn-boss that was standin' by an' heerd it, said he niver befure
regretted his father hadn't sint him to Harvard.

"We know what Wash'nton said to his gin'rals an' what Grant said
to Lee an' what Cleveland said to himsilf. They're in th' books.
But engraved in th' hearth iv his counthrymen is what Rosenfelt
said to th' throlley man. 'Twas good because 'twas so nachral.
Most iv th' sayin's I've read in books sounds as though they was
made be a patent inkybato