excipt
durin' th' peryod whin th' Hon. Grindle H. Gash shelled him f'r
three days with a howitzer. His remarkable night attack on that
gallant but sleepy statesman will not soon be f'rgotten. A great
ovation will be given Bill whin he pulls his freight f'r th' coort
iv Saint James. Some iv th' boys is loadin' up f'r it already,
an' near all th' Chinese has moved into th' hills. Ambassadure
Gash was a Rough Rider durin' th' late Cubian War.

"'Th' appintment iv Judge Rufus Flush to be Chief Justice iv th'
United States Supreeme Coort is hailed with delight be all citizens
iv New Mexico. Judge Flush is th' recognized authority on gun
shot wounds an' lynch law in th' Southwest, besides bein' in private
life a pretty handy man with knife or gun himsilf. He was wan iv
th' first men up San Joon Hill on th' mim'rable day.

"'Th' sicrety iv state was visited yisterdah be throop B iv th'
Rough Riders, includin' th' sicrety iv th' threesury, th' postmasther
gin'ral, nine disthrick judges, forty postmasthers, an' wan hundherd
an' eight collictors iv intarnal rivinoo. Th' conversation was
informal, but it is undhershtud that th' advisability iv an excursion
to Boston to shoot up th' anti-impeeryalist saloons was discussed.
Th' prisidint dhropped in durin' th' conference an' greeted all
prisint be their first name, which is Bill. There was some
good-natured chaff as to which iv th' gintlemen was first at th'
top iv San Joon Hill befure th' meetin' broke up. Th' postmasther
gin'ral is sufferin' fr'm a slight knife wound.'"

"Ar-re all th' people West iv th' park shootin' men?" asked Mr.
Hennessy timidly.

"I think so," said Mr. Dooley, "but a man that's been out there
tells me not. He says annywan but an Englishman cud go fr'm wan
end iv th' West to th' other without carryin' a gun, an' that
people that kill each other are not considhered rayspictable in
Tucson anny more thin they wud be in Eysther Bay, but that they
are mostly dhrunk men an' th' like iv that. Th' towns, he says,
is run be fellows that sell ribbons, milk, yeast, spool thread an'
pills an' pull teeth an' argye little foolish law suits, just as
th' towns down here are run, an' th' bad men are more afraid iv
thim thin they are iv each other. He says there are things doin'
out West that niver get into th' dime novels, an' that whin people
lose their lives they do it more often in a saw mill or a smelter
thin in a dance hail. He says so but I don't bel