e, he is called on to set
down with a sheet of pa-aper an' a pot iv ink an' say how manny
times eight-an'-a-half will go into a line dhrawn fr'm th' base
iv th' hypothenoose, an' if he makes th' answer bright an' readable,
they give him a place administherin' th' affairs iv a proud people
that cudden't tell a hypothenoose fr'm a sea-lion. But whin things
gets goin' right undher this administhration, th' civil sarvice
commission consistin' iv th' Hon. Bill Cody, th' Hon. Texas Jack,
an' th' Hon. Bat Masterson will put th' boys through an examination
that'll bring out all there is in thim. I'm preparin' a pa-aper
f'r an examination iv candydates f'r sup'rintindint iv th'
Smithsonyan Institoot:

"1. Describe a round-up.

"2. Name five iv th' best brands (a) cattle (b) whiskey, ye have
used.

"3. Afther makin' a cinch, is it proper f'r to always kick th'
critter in th' stomach or on'y whin ye feel like it?

"4. Undher what circumstances shud a Mexican not be shot, and if
so, why?

"5. How long shud a tinderfoot dance befure he is entitled to live?

"6. Name eighty reasons f'r dhrawin' a gun.

"7. State ye'er opinyion iv sheep men.

"8. Write a brief account iv th' life an' death iv Billy th' Kid.

"Iv coorse, Hinnissy, this is on'y a part iv th' exercise. They'll
be practical tests as well. Th' iligible list'll be taken out
into th' yard an' required to shoot at movin' an' stationary
targets, at pedesthreens an' horsemen, fr'm th' pocket, fr'm th'
hip, over th' shouldher, fr'm a window with a sawed-off shot gun,
an' so on. They'll be required to bust a buckin' bronc, cut out
a steer fr'm th' herd without stampedin' th' rest, lassoo movin'
objects an' give other exhibitions iv science. An' th' la-ad
that wins out'll have to defind his job again' all comers f'r a
month.

"I want to see this day. We're a nation iv hayroes, an' none but
hayroes shud enjye th' spoil. Thin we'll read that th' Hon. Mike
McCorker has been appinted Ambassadure to England: 'Mike is wan
iv th' mos' detarmined statesmen between Rapid City an' Rawlins.
His early life was spint in seclusion, owin' to a little diff'rence
about a horse, but he had no sooner appeared in public life thin
he made his mark on th' marshal iv Red Gulch. He applied himsilf
to his chosen career with such perseverance an' so thrue an aim
that within two years he had risen to th' head iv his pro-fission,
a position that he has since held without interruption