re is exact to my wishes,
For where they don't eat,
There's no washing of dishes;
I'll be where loud anthems will always be ringing;
But having no voice, I'll be clear of the singing;
Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never,
I'm going to do nothing, forever and ever."

Mrs. Whann, the weeping widow of a well-known man, requested that the
words "My sorrow is greater than I can bear" be placed upon the marble
slab of her dear departed.

A few months later the lady returned and asked how much it would cost
her to have the inscription effaced and another substituted.

"No need of that, marm," replied the man, soothingly; "you see, I left
jes' enough room to add 'alone.'"

THE TOMBSTONE MAN (after several abortive suggestions)--"How would
simply, 'Gone Home' do?"

MRS. NEWWEEDS--"I guess that would be all right. It was always the
last place he ever thought of going."--_Puck_.

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.

--_John Dryden_.

"Did you hear about the defacement of Mr. Skinner's tombstone?" asked
Mr. Brown a few days after the funeral of that eminent captain of
industry.

"No, what was it?" inquired his neighbor curiously.

"Someone added the word 'friends' to the epitaph."

"What was the epitaph?"

"He did his best."

EQUALITY

In a mood for companionship with none at hand, a New Yorker was making
her way through a quiet down town cross street to an East Side subway.
As she approached a team of horses standing by the curb, the nearer
of the pair looked her straight in the eye man-to-man like. No driver
being in sight she took from her pocket some lumps of sugar (reserved
as a tip for the ice-horse) and fed and fondled and talked foolishly
to her friend of the curb. Looking up before turning to the second
horse, she was confused and startled to find a brisk young driver,
reins in hand, looking ready to tear up the pavements in a mad rush
to Jersey or somewhere. She hurried off to escape his wrath at being
delayed. The angry words flung after her were: "The other one ain't no
stepchild."

And the horses galloped off equally sugared.

ETIQUET

"Frances," said the little girl's mamma, who was entertaining callers
in the parlor, "you came downstairs so noisily that you could be heard
all over the house. Now go back and come down stairs like a lady."

Frances retired and after a few moments re-entered the parl