n't
buy any more hotels at this price--they are robbing you!"

A traveler who alighted from the train in a small Southern town was
greeted by a colored porter, who shouted at him, "Palace hotel, boss!"
and grabbed the traveler's baggage, and the latter said, "Wait a
minute, Rastus. Is this hotel American or European?" and Rastus
replied, "I dunno, boss, but I thinks they'se Irish."

"Where's that hotel that used to advertise, 'All the Comforts of Home
for One Dollar'?"

"Busted up. The hotel opposite put up a sign: 'None of the Discomforts
of Home for Two Dollars.'"

Miss Muffit had recently joined the "Band of Sisters for Befriending
Burglars" and was being shown over a prison for the first time.

One prisoner, evidently a man of education, interested her more
than the others. He rose and bowed to her when she entered his cell,
apologizing for the poorness of his apartment.

Miss Muffit could not help wondering how this refined man came within
the clutches of the law. In fact, as she was leaving his cell she
said:

"May I ask you why you are in this distressing place?"

"Madam," he replied, "I am here for robbery at a seaside hotel!"

"How very interesting!" said Miss Muffit. "Were you--er--the
proprietor?"

"Would you like some views of the hotel to send to your friends?"

"Sir," said the disgruntled guest, "I presume it will be better for me
to keep my views to myself."

"We will do our best, Mr. Sprawl, to make you feel at home here,"
smiled the hotel clerk, who had acquired the idea that it pays to be
good and kind to all.

"You needn't to mind, sir," replied Sanford Sprawl, of Puxico. "That's
just what I came away from home to get a change from. What I want is
to feel like I'm at a hotel."

HOUSING PROBLEM

After trying in vain for months to get a house, Brown set out one day
with a find-a-house-or-die look on his face. He wandered about all day
without being successful, till at last his steps led him to the river.

"Ah!" he said in utter despair, "how tempting it looks!" He was almost
inclined to plunge in and end it all.

All of a sudden he heard a splash and, looking around, he saw his
friend Green struggling in the water. Without attempting to save him
he rushed off to the local house agent.

"Quick!" he gasped. "Green has fallen in the river. Can I have his
house?"

"Sorry," said the house agent. "I've already let it to the man who
pushed him in."

The difficult