ed.

"The bill reminded me, in fact," he said, "of a Little Rock, urchin's
question. His question, innocent enough in appearance, dear knows, was
this:

"'Would you mind making a noise like a frog, uncle?'"

"'And why,' said the uncle, with an amused smile, 'why, Tommy, do you
desire me to make a noise like a frog?'"

"'Because,' replied the urchin, 'whenever I ask daddy to buy me
anything he always says, 'Wait till your uncle croaks.'"

"Here's poetic justice for you. One of these oil-stock promoters
married a woman for her money."

"Yes?"

"Only to discover that she had invested it all in his oil stock."

"I wanted the gold, and I sought it;
I scrabbled and munched like a slave.
Was it famine or scurvy--I fought it;
I hurled my youth into the grave.

"I wanted the gold and I got it--
Came out with a fortune last fall--
Yet somehow life's not what I thought it,
And somehow the gold isn't all."

--_George Matthew Adams_.

"Mamma," said the Young Thing, "I want you to stop forcing me into Mr.
Gottit's company all the time. People are talking."

"But, my dear," protested the Solicitous Lady, "he is a wonderful
catch!"

"He may be, Mamma, but if you keep on thinking you are pitcher, he'll
get onto your curves and throw the game."

EDITH--"I think Jack is horrid. I asked him if he had to choose
between me and a million which he would take, and he said the
million."

MARIE--"That's all right. He knew if he had the million you'd be
easy,"

FOUNTAIN PENS

"Why do they call 'em fountain pens? I should say reservoir pen would
be the better name. A reservoir contains liquids; a fountain throws
'em around."

"I think fountain pen is the proper name," said the party of the
second part.

FRANKLIN

Franklin, when ambassador to France, being at a meeting of a literary
society, and not well understanding French when declaimed,
determined to applaud when he saw a lady of his acquaintance express
satisfaction. When they had ceased, a little child, who understood
French, said to him, "But, grand-papa, you always applauded the
loudest when they were praising you!" Franklin laughed heartily and
explained the matter.

FREAKS

'Tis well to seek to be unique,
But being too odd makes a freak.

FREE VERSE

YOUNG THING--"I wonder why they call it free verse?"

THE POET--"That's simple. Did you ever try to sell any?"

FREEDOM OF SP