e they wild oats," queried the youth, "that you've got to sneak up
on 'em in the dark?"

"Aren't you afraid America will become isolated?"

"Not if us farmers keep raisin' things the world needs," answered
Farmer Corntossel, "The feller that rings the dinner-bell never runs
much risk of bein' lonesome."

"How'd that city hired man of yours pan out?"

"Well, he started in Monday morning plowing corn. At 10 o'clock he
struck for a helper to lift the gangs out at the ends, and I sent the
kid out to do that. At noon he struck for two pieces of strawberry
shortcake instead of one, so I gave him my piece. At 1:15 he struck
for a sunshade on the corn plow. I says, 'Young man, this job is just
like a baseball game. Three strikes and you're out, Good-bye.'"

A rather patronizing individual from town was observing with
considerable interest the operations of a farmer with whom he had put
up for a while.

As he watched the old man sow the seed in his field the man from the
city called out facetiously:

"Well done, old chap. You sow; I reap the fruits."

Whereupon the farmer grinned and replied:

"Maybe you will. I am sowing hemp."

_See also_ Failures.

FASHION

"Isn't your wife dogmatic?"

"She was when Pomeranian pups were the style, but now she's
auto-matic."

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.--_Shakespeare_.

"Women have queer ways."

"How now?"

"The styles call for mannish hats. So my wife bought a mannish hat for
eighteen dollars."

"Well?"

"She could have bought a man's hat for four dollars."

Women's fashions seem to be working around to the point where the
voice with the smile will have to be listed among the latest spring
styles.

The intrepid general was rallying her wavering female troops.

"Women," she cried, "will you give way to mannish fears?"

A muffled murmur of indecision ran through the ranks.

"Shall it be said we are clothed in male armor?" shrieked the general.

The murmur became a mumble.

"Will you," fiercely demanded the general, "show the white feather in
a season when feathers are not worn?"

The effect was electrical.

"Never!" roared the soldiers. And, forming into battle array, they
once more hurled themselves upon the enemy.

"You criticize us," said the Chinese visitor, "yet I see all your
women have their feet bandaged."

"That is an epidemic," it was explained to him, gently, "which broke
out in 1914. Those are c