ful birds, blue sky and running brooks,
eight-year-old William remarked:

"Those things would never make me happy, Miss Jones."

"Why, William," replied his teacher, "what would it take to make you
happy?"

"Saturdays!" was the prompt reply.--_Harper's_.

The good fairy brought an ingot of lead and an ingot of gold and laid
them before him. "Choose!" she said, simply.

The child thought a moment, and chose the lead.

"It's no heavier to carry, it's just as good to eat, and it won't make
everybody hate me!" quoth he.

The good fairy laughed.

"You can be happy without any help from me," she chirped, and flew
away.

HASH

The literary boarder fastened his eyes upon the hash.

"Kindly pass the Review of Reviews," he said.

They had hash on Monday for dinner, after a roast of beef on Sunday,
as happens in all well-regulated families. Father had said grace, when
Bobbie said:

"I don't see why you asked another blessing this evening, father. You
did it yesterday over this. It's the same old stuff."

SHE (thoughtfully)--"Did you ever think much about reincarnation,
dear?"

'18 (otherwise)--"Think about it? I eat it nearly every day--only we
call it hash."

HASTE

Ten people hurry, to catch up where one hurries to get ahead.

The more haste, ever the worst speed.--_Churchill_.

Whoever is in a hurry shows that the thing he is about is too big for
him. Haste and hurry are very different things.--_Chesterfield_.

HEAVEN

A Sunday-school teacher was quizzing her class of boys on the strength
of their desire for righteousness.

"All those who wish to go to heaven," she said, "please stand."

All got to their feet but one small boy.

"Why, Johnny," exclaimed the shocked teacher, "do you mean to say that
you don't want to go to heaven?"

"No, ma'am," replied Johnny promptly. "Not if that bunch is going."

THE COOK--"Sir! Sir! There's a _Zep'lin_ outside and if you don't come
wi' the keys of the cellar, we'll all be in--in--heaven in a couple o'
minutes!"

THE CURATE--"God forbid!"

One of the prominent deacons in an Ohio church was seriously ill.
As he was very popular among the congregation, a bulletin board was
posted in front of the church to inform of his condition. It read:

"One o'clock. Deacon Jones very ill."

"Two o'clock. Deacon Jones is worse and sinking rapidly."

"Three o'clock. Deacon Jones dead."

A traveling man passing by that evening r