is a sign for you to get out of the way."

"Oh, it is, is it?" said Pat. "Well, thin, whin I say 'foive,' it is a
sign that you are going to get hit on the nose. 'Foive.'"

"What do you think is the most difficult thing for a beginner to learn
about golf?"

"To keep from talking about it all the time."

The golfer who was employing him was playing very badly, and the
caddie threw himself down on the grass at one point and watched him.
When the man had at last succeeded in getting his ball out of the
bunker, he glanced toward the boy and remarked: "You must be tired,
lying down at this time of day."

"I ain't tired of carrying," said the caddie, "but I certainly am
tired of counting."

"What is considered a good score on these links?"

"Well, sir," replied the youthful caddie solemnly, "most of the gents
tries to do it in as few strokes as they can, but it gin'r'lly takes
some more."

"Look, grandpaw, a new gowf ba' I foond, lost on the links."

"Are ye sure it was lost, Sandy?"

"Oo, ay; I saw the mannie an' his caddy lookin' for it."

_Reflections of a Class A Caddie_

One swallow does not make a golfer--it only helps.
You may chip, you may wallop the ball if you will,
But the slash of the duffer will cling round it still.
Look before you cheat.
Every water hole has a silver lining--ask the boat boy.
To stymie is human; to lift up divine.
Half a stroke is better than none.
He laughs last who putts best.
When in doubt, hole out.

Two golf fiends--an Englishman and a Scot--were playing a round
together. After the first hole the Englishman asked:

"How many did you take?"

"Eight," replied the Scot.

"Oh, I only took seven, so it's my hole!" exclaimed the Englishman,
triumphantly.

After the second hole the Englishman put the same question again. But
the Scot smiled knowingly.

"Na, na, ma man," said he; "it's ma turn tae ask first!"

GOSSIP

"They say--"

"Who say?"

"Oh, all the people who don't matter."

"Germany's attitude toward peace is ominous," said General Laurin
Lawson at a luncheon in Louisville."

"Germany reminds me, in fact, of the new parlor-maid whose mistress
said to her:"

"'And above all things, I expect you to be reticent.'"

"'Yes, ma'am, certainly, of course, ma'am,' said the new maid."

"Then she leaned toward her mistress with shining eyes."

"'And what's there to be reticent about, ma'am?' she asked."