e reporter.

"I'm told you're a hero, sir," he said.

"No," laughed the lieutenant. "I merely happened to be on the job when
something needed to be done, and I did it. However, I can refer you
to the simon-pure article." And he pointed out a sergeant with three
wound stripes upon his sleeve.

"Not guilty," declared the sergeant, when questioned. Then, his eyes
kindling with admiration, he waved toward a figure standing somewhat
aside from the throng. "Talk to the major. You couldn't string on a
fat man's bay window the medals he's got, and ought to have."

"Nonsense!" ejaculated the major, amusedly.

"That's what you all say!" cried the reporter, in despair. "Is
hero-ing a criminal career?"

Chuckling, the major beckoned to an ebony-hued stalwart.

"Rastus," the major said, when the Senegambian saluted and stepped
forward, "this gentleman is looking for a hero. I think you are one."

"You might say I am, sah. Dey wasn't a wusser, dangerouser job in de
army dan mine."

"What was it?" eagerly inquired the reporter.

"Mistah," Rastus solemnly informed him. "I drove a mule team plumb
thoo dis wah."

--_Terrell Love Holliday_.

"How perfectly splendid to think you're one of the heroes who went
over there to die for your country!"

"Like h--- I did, ma'am! I went over to make some other guy die for
his."--_Life_.

FATHER (endeavoring to blend instruction and amusement)--"Yes,
children, Mr. Lloyd George saved his country just as Joan of Arc saved
France."

BRIGHT CHILD--"And when are they going to burn Mr. Lloyd George,
daddy?"

HIGH COST OF LIVING

_See_ Cost of living.

HINTING

Despite the chilly spring day little Wilbur was out playing without
his coat. This worried a neighbor, but her advice went unheeded.
Finally, she said: "Wilbur, go home and get your coat, and when you
come back I'll give you a piece of cake."

The bribe worked, and Wilbur soon returned with his coat on and
was duly rewarded. Next day he knocked at the door to announce
significantly:

"I ain't got my coat on today."

HISTORY

After reading the famous poem, "The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers,"
to the class, the teacher said: "As a drawing exercise suppose you
each draw, according to your imagination, a picture of Plymouth Rock."

All but one little fellow set to work. He paused and finally raised
his hand.

"What is it, Edgar?" the teacher asked.

"Please, ma'am," Edgar piped out, "do y