maller pupils.

"Now, Tommy," she pursued, "if your father were busy all day and said
he would have to go back to the office at night, what would he be
doing?"

"That's what ma wants to know."

HE--"If I were to die you'd never get another husband like me."

SHE--"What makes you imagine I should ever want another like you?"

MRS. BLANK (to laundress)--"And how is your newly married daughter
getting on, Mrs. Brown?"

MRS. BROWN--"Oh, nicely, thank you, ma'am. She finds her husband a bit
dull; but then, as I tells her, the good ones are dull."

JUNKMAN--"Any rags, paper, old iron to sell?"

HEAD OF HOUSE (irately)--"No--go away--my wife's away for the summer."

JUNKMAN (smiling)--"Any empty bottles?"

_Situation: Buglar, caught red-handed, arraigned in court_

WOMAN--"The sorce o' the feller! 'E pretended to be my 'usband and
called out, 'It's all right, darlin'--it's only me.' It was the word
'darlin' wot give 'im away."--_Punch (London)_.

"Henry," said his father-in-law, as he called his daughter's spouse
into the library and locked the door, "you have lived with me now for
over two years."

"Yes, father."

"In all that time I haven't asked you a penny for board."

"No, sir." (Wonderingly.)

"In all your little family quarrels I have always taken your part."

"Always, sir."

"I have even paid some of your bills."

"A good many, father."

"Then the small favor I am about to ask you will no doubt be granted?"

"Most certainly, sir."

"Thanks. Then I want you to tell your mother-in-law that those tickets
for the supper-club dance which she picked up in my room this morning
must have accidentally fallen out of your pocket, and we'll call it
square!"

One morning, Mollie, the colored maid, appeared before her mistress,
carrying, folded in a handkerchief, a five-dollar gold piece and all
her earthly possessions in the way of jewelry.

This package she proferred her mistress, with the request that Miss
Sallie take it for safe keeping.

"Why, Mollie!" exclaimed the mistress in surprise. "Are you going
away?"

"Naw'm, I ain' goin' nowheres," Mollie declared. "But me an' Jim
Harris we wuz married this mawnin'. Yas.'m, Jim, he's a new nigger
in town. You don' know nothin' 'bout him, Miss Sallie. I don' know
nothin' 'bout him myself he's er stranger to me."

Miss Sallie glanced severely at the little package of jewelry.

"But, Mollie," she demanded, "don't you trust him?"

"Yas'm,