rom Willie Smith."

"Why, Bobbie!" exclaimed his mother; "don't you know it's wicked to
play marbles for 'keeps'? Go right over to his house and give back
every one."

"Yes, mother," said the boy obediently; "and shall I take that vase
you won at Mrs. Jones' whist party, and give it back to her?"

"It's just as wrong to gamble when you win as when you lose."

"Yassuh," asserted Mr. Erastus Pinkley. "De immorality is jes' as
great, but de inconvenience ain't."

PROFESSOR--"Now I put the number seven on the board. What number
immediately comes into your mind?"

CLASS (in unison)--"Eleven!"--_Burr_.

SAM--"Ah done heard dat dey fine' Columbus's bones."

EZRA--"Lawd! Ah never knew dat he wuz a gamblin' man."

GARAGES

"What do they sell in that last garage besides gasoline, father?"

"'Besides,' my son? You mean 'instead of.'"--_Life_.

GARDENING

"I suppose you are going to raise potatoes in your garden?"

"I was, but when I read the directions for planting I found that it
would be impossible. They should be planted in hills, and my yard is
perfectly level."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE--"If you want a garden this year you had
better hire somebody to make it. I'm not going to try it again. I've
figured it out; and if I would spend on my business the time I put in
on that garden I would make enough money to keep us in vegetables for
fifty years. I am off it for life."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS NEIGHBOR--"I don't think I'll bother with a garden
this year. It doesn't pay; I may do a little; but the digging and the
labor--I'm off that for life."

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS PARTNER--"Well, how's the garden coming along?
I'm not doing much with mine this year. What? How high did you say?
Already? What seed did you use?"

WHAT HE SAID TO HIS WIFE WHEN HE GOT HOME AN HOUR EARLY THAT
DAY--"Call me when dinner's ready. I've got to get the garden started
today or I'll never raise a thing."

GAS

DISSATISFIED HOUSEHOLDER--"Do you mean to say that this meter measures
the amount of gas we burn?"

GAS COLLECTOR--"I will enter into no controversy, sir; but I may say
that the meter measures the amount of gas you will have to pay for."

GENEROSITY

SUNDAY-SCHOOL TEACHER--"Now, Jimmy, I want you to memorize today's
motto, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

JIMMY--"Yes'm, but I know it now. My father says he has always used
that as his motto in his business."

TEACHER--"O