its teacher, but she was much
troubled because many of her pupils were late every morning. At last
she made the announcement that she would kiss the first pupil to
arrive at the schoolhouse the next morning. At sunrise the largest
three boys of her class were sitting on the doorstep of the
schoolhouse, and by six o'clock every boy in the school and four of
the directors were waiting for her to arrive.

_Give and Take_

An English statesman on one occasion, when engaged in canvassing,
visited a working-man's house, in the principal room of which a
pictorial representation of the Pope faced an illustration of King
William, of pious and immortal memory, in the act of crossing the
Boyne.

The worthy man stared in amazement, and seeing his surprise the
voter's wife exclaimed;

"Shure, my husband's an Orangeman and I'm a Catholic."

"How do you get on together?" asked the astonished politician.

"Very well, indade, barring the twelfth of July, when my husband goes
out with the Orange procession and comes home feelin' extry
pathriotic."

"What then?"

"Well, he always takes the Pope down and jumps on him and then goes
straight to bed. The next morning I get up early, before he is awake,
and take down King William and pawn him and buy a new Pope with the
money. Then I give the old man the ticket to get King William out."

_Too Much of a Good Thing_

"I've got the very thing you want," said the stableman to a ruralist
in search of a horse; "a thorough-going road horse. Five years old,
sound as a quail, $175 cash down, and he goes ten miles without
stopping."

The purchaser threw his hands skyward.

"Not for me," he said, "not for me. I wouldn't gif you five cents for
him. I live eight miles out in de country, und I'd haf to walk back
two miles."

_Had Missed It_

"What are you crying for, my poor little boy?" said a man to a crying
boy.

"Pa fell downstairs."

"Don't take on so, my boy. He'll get better soon."

"That isn't it. Sister saw him fall--all the way. I never saw
nuffen."

_Denied the Only Shade_

It was a broiling hot day in the park, and those walking therein were
well-nigh exhausted, when a very stout old lady came bustling along
one of the paths, closely followed by a rough-looking tramp.

Twice she commanded him to leave her, but Still he followed just
behind.

At last the old lady, quite disgusted, turned angrily around and said:

"Look here, my man, if y