low and inhale the invigorating oxygen of the sea, the
sea, the boundless sea! I long to see it! To breathe in great
drafts of life-giving air. I shall want to stand every moment on the
prow of the steamer with my mouth open----"

"You probably will, dear," interrupted his wife encouragingly.
"That's the way all the ocean travelers do."

_Definitive_

The schoolmaster was trying to explain the meaning of the word
"conceited," which had occurred in the course of the reading lesson.
"Now, boys," he said, "suppose that I was always boasting of my
learning--that I knew a good deal o' Latin, for instance, or that my
personal appearance was--that I was very good-looking, y' know--what
should you say I was?"

Straightforward Boy; "Sure, sir, I'd say you was a liar, sir!"

_Wanted to Give Her Every Chance_

The clerk was most obliging, but the young woman customer was hard to
please. Roll after roll of blankets did he patiently take down and
show to her; nothing suited.

For some fifteen minutes this mock sale went on, then the young woman
said condescendingly, "Well, I don't intend to buy. I was just
looking for a friend."

"Wait a moment, madam," cried the clerk. "There is one more blanket
left on the shelf. Maybe you will find your friend in it."

_Murder Will Out_

The newly-graduated daughter who had decided to become an artist had
returned to her Boston home. "I am glad that your mind has taken a
turn toward art, for you know that more is expected of you now than
if you lived in Chicago," said her proud parent.

"Yes, Father," she replied dutifully, with downcast eyes.

"And I hope that you will distinguish yourself in more than one way."

"Yes, Father."

"I particularly desire that you become noted as an essayist also,"
continued the ambitious parent.

"Yes, Father," was the still modest reply.

"I have spared neither pains nor expense in your education thus far,
but notwithstanding this immense outlay of time and money, if you can
think of anything which you believe will add to your equipment for
the career which you are about to begin--if you can suggest some
other way of refining your taste, please do so. Do you know of
anything else, my dear?"

"Yes, Father," and this time the downcast eyes were raised and looked
hopefully into his.

"Speak out; never mind the expense."

"Well, Father, I'd like to go this afternoon and see Sullivan thump
that yap from the country."