ning one evening at the home of
a college president became very much interested in the very pretty
girl seated at his left. Conversation was somewhat fitful. Finally
he decided to guide it into literary channels, where he was more at
home, and, turning to his companion, asked;

"Are you fond of literature?"

"Passionately," she replied. "I love books dearly."

"Then you must admire Sir Walter Scott," he exclaimed with sudden
animation. "Is not his 'Lady of the Lake' exquisite in its flowing
grace and poetic imagery? Is it not----"

"It is perfectly lovely," she assented, clasping her hands in
ecstasy. "I suppose I have read it a dozen times."

"And Scott's 'Marmion/" he continued, "with its rugged simplicity and
marvelous description--one can almost smell the heather on the heath
while perusing its splendid pages."

"It is perfectly grand," she murmured.

"And Scott's 'Peveril of the Peak' and his noble 'Bride of
Lammermoor'--where in the English language will you find anything
more heroic than his grand auld Scottish characters and his graphic,
forceful pictures of feudal times and customs? You like them, I am
sure."

"I just dote upon them," she replied.

"And Scott's Emulsion," he continued hastily, for a faint suspicion
was beginning to dawn upon him.

"I think," she interrupted rashly, "that it's the best thing he ever
wrote."

_How Grandma Viewed Them_

"I'm glad Billy had the sense to marry a settled old maid," said
Grandma Winkum at the wedding.

"Why, Grandma?" asked the son.

"Well, gals is hity-tity, and widders is kinder overrulin' and
upsettin'. But old maids is thankful and willin' to please."

_So Easy When it is Explained_

A woman riding in a Philadelphia trolley-car said to the conductor:

"Can you tell me, please, on what trolley-cars I can use these
exchange slips? They mix me up somewhat."

"They really shouldn't, madam," said the polite conductor. "It is
very simple: East of the junction by a westbound car an exchange from
an eastbound car is good only if the westbound car is west of the
junction formed by said eastbound car. South of the junction formed
by a northbound car an exchange from a southbound car is good south
of the junction if the northbound car was north of the junction at
the time of issue, but only south of the junction going south if the
southbound car was going north at the time it was south of the
junction. That is all there is to it."