_Taking Mamma at Her Word_

MOTHER: "Ethel, you naughty child, what have you been doing to make
Charlie cry so?"

ETHEL: "I've only been sharing my cod-liver oil with him, mamma. You
said it was so nice."

_It Was Worse Than Bigotry_

A prisoner was brought before a police magistrate. He looked around
and discovered that his clerk was absent. "Here, officer," he said,
"what's this man charged with?"

"Bigotry, your Honor," replied the policeman. "He's got three wives."

The magistrate looked at the officer as though astounded at such
ignorance. "Why, officer," he said, "that's not bigotry--that's
trigonometry."

_A Devotional Turn of Mind_

As the new minister of the village was on his way to evening service
he met a rising young man of the place whom he was anxious to have
become an active member of the church.

"Good-evening, my young friend," he said solemnly; "do you ever
attend a place of worship?" /

"Yes, indeed, sir; regularly, every Sunday night," replied the young
fellow with a smile. "I'm on my way to see her now."

_Poor Little Chap_!

A little boy from the slums had been taken out into the country for
the first time. After a bit he was found sitting, all by himself, on
a high bank, and gazing wistfully out over the hills.

The woman who had made the little excursion possible quietly seated
herself at the youngster's side. To her the child turned a radiant
face and asked:

"Say, it's dern pretty, ain't it? Is this all in the United States?"

_The Horse Had a Habit_

At an annual series of races "for all comers," the sun was blazing
down on a field of hot, excited horses and men, all waiting for a
tall, raw-boned beast to yield to the importunities of the starter
and get into line.

The patience of the starter was nearly exhausted. "Bring up that
horse!" he shouted. "Bring him up!"

The rider of the refractory beast, a youthful Irishman, yelled back;
"I can't! This here's been a cab-horse, and he won't start till he
hears the door shut, an' I ain't got no door!"

_She Won Her Uncle_

Uncle Harry was a bachelor and not fond of babies. Even winsome
four-year-oid Helen failed to win his heart. Every one made too much
fuss over the youngster, Uncle Harry declared.

One day Helen's mother was called downstairs and with fear and
trembling asked Uncle Harry, who was stretched out on a sofa, if he
would keep his eye on Helen. Uncle Harry grunt