hat.

"Law, no, honey!" exclaimed the woman. "I could nevah wear that. I'd
look jes' like a blueberry in a pan of milk."

_Rapid-Fire_

A frivolous young English girl, with no love for the Stars and
Stripes, once exclaimed at a celebration where the American flag was
very much in evidence:

"Oh, what a silly-looking thing the American flag is! It suggests
nothing but checker-berry candy."

"Yes," replied a bystander, "the kind of candy that has made everybody
sick who ever tried to lick it."

_Kipling at a Luncheon_

At a tea the other day, says "The New York Sun," a woman heard the
following remarks made about her favorite author. She turned to
listen, amazed by the eccentricities of conduct narrated.

"Yes, you know," the hostess was saying, "Kipling came in and behaved
so strangely! At luncheon he suddenly sprang up and wouldn't let the
waitress come near the table. Every time that she tried to come near
he would jump at her.

"He made a dive for the cake, which was on the lower shelf of the
sideboard, and took it into the parlor to eat it. He got the crumbs
all over the sofa and the beautiful rug.

"When he had finished his cake he simply sat and glared at us."

The visitor finally could not control herself, and asked:

"Excuse me, but are you speaking of Mr. Rudyard Kipling?"

"Mr. Rudyard Kipling?" echoed the hostess. "Oh, no; Kipling is our
dog!"

_Getting His Trousseau Ready_

The kindly 'Squire of the neighborhood was just leaving from a
friendly social visit to Mrs. Maguire.

"And your son, Mrs. Maguire?" said the 'Squire as he reached for his
hat. "I hope he is well. Busy, I suppose, getting ready for his
wedding tonight ?"

"Well, not very busy this minit, 'Squire," answered the beaming
mother. "He's upstairs in bed while I'm washing out his trousseau."

_There Was a Chance_

"Going to send your boy on an ocean trip, are you?" said a friend to
a father.

"Yes," replied the father. "You see, if there is anything in him I
think a long sea voyage will bring it out."

_Deserved to be Tried_

The Judge was at dinner in the new household when the young wife
asked: "Did you ever try any of my biscuits, Judge?"

"No," said the Judge, "I never did, but I dare say they deserve it."

_End of the Honeymoon_

An old married man happened to meet a beaming bridegroom on the
latter'S first day at business after the wedding trip.

"Hello!" said he; "fini