rd,'
as you said this morning."

"Indeed," said the minister-father, with a pleased look across the
table at his wife.

"Yes," said the boy, "for then I wouldn't have to listen to the
sermon."

_Why Mr. Duffy's Nose was Red_

The late Mr. Duffy, of Keene, New Hampshire, says "The Boston
Herald," was well known for his life-long total abstinence from
intoxicants, which seemed somewhat at variance with the fact that his
nose was very red.

On one occasion, when on business in a liquor saloon in his
neighborhood, a drummer came in to sell cigars. To gain the good
graces of the bartender he invited all in the place to drink, to
which invitation all readily responded save Mr. Duffy.

The drummer went to him, and slapping him on the shoulder, said: "I
say, old man, what are you going to have?"

"I thank you, sir-r, but I niver dhrink," was Duffy's quiet reply.

"What, you never drink?" said the drummer with a sarcastic laugh.
"Now, if you never drink, will you please tell me what makes that
nose of yours so red?"

The impertinence of the questioner at once aroused the irascibility
of the old gentleman, and he replied: "Sir-r, it is glowing with
proid because it is kept out of other people's business."

_Why He Knew_

A prominent Judge, who was an enthusiastic golfer, had occasion to
question a boy witness in a criminal suit.

"Now, my boy," said the Judge, "are you sure that you know the nature
and significance of an oath--that is, what an oath really means?"

The boy looked up at the Judge in surprise, and then answered:

"Why, of course I do, Judge. Don't I caddy for you at the Country
Club?"

_Her Idea of Remembrance_

Two negroes were talking about a recent funeral of a member of their
race, at which funeral there had been a profusion of floral tributes.
Said the cook:

"Dat's all very well, Mandy; but when I dies I don't want no flowers
on my grave. Jes plant a good old watermelon-vine; an' when she gits
ripe you come dar, an' don't you eat it, but jes bus' it on de grave,
an' let de good old juice dribble down thro' de ground!"

_Did He Win Her_?

Conversation lagged for a moment, according to a "Life" story, then,
as he sipped his tea, he remarked quietly, but with a meaning
emphasis, "You are to be married."

"Mercy me! To whom?" was the startled reply.

"To me; I came today on purpose to tell you."

_The Dog wasn't Touched_

"Madam," said the conductor as he pu