versity of Washington, says "The
New York Tribune." In the course of the conversation President Eliot
asked the Westerner what chair he held.

"Well," said Professor Johnson, "I am professor of biology, but I
also give instruction in meteorology, botany, physiology, chemistry,
entomology and a few others."

"I should say that you occupied a whole settee, not a chair," replied
Harvard's chief.

_When Fighting Really Began_

An aged, gray-haired and very wrinkled old woman, arrayed in the
outlandish calico costume of the mountains, was summoned as a witness
in court to tell what she knew about a fight in her house. She took
the witness-stand with evidences of backwardness and proverbial
Bourbon verdancy. The Judge asked her in a kindly voice what took
place. She insisted it did not amount to much, but the Judge by his
persistency finally got her to tell the story of the bloody fracas.

"Now, I tell ye, Jedge, it didn't amount to nuthn'. The fust I
knowed about it was when Bill Saunder called Tom Smith a liar, en Tom
knocked him down with a stick o' wood. One o' Bill's friends then
cut Tom with a knife, slicin' a big chunk out o' him. Then Sam
Jones, who was a friend of Tom's, shot the other feller and two more
shot him, en three or four others got cut right smart by somebody.
That nachly caused some excitement, Jedge, en then they commenced
fightin'."

_The Wrong Kind of a Baby_

In a certain home where the stork recently visited there is a
six-year-old son of inquiring mind. When he was first taken in to
see the new arrival he exclaimed:

"Oh, mamma, it hasn't any teeth! And no hair!" Then, clasping his
hands in despair, he cried: "Somebody has done us! It's an old baby."

_A Poser for the Salesman_

"It's not so much a durable article that I require, sir," said Miss
Simpkins. "I want something dainty, you know; something coy, and at
the same time just a wee bit saucy--that might look well for evening
wear."

_Not in the Army, After All_

A Methodist negro exhorter shouted: "Come up en jine de army ob de
Lohd."

"Ise done jined," replied one of the congregation.

"Whar'd yoh jine?" asked the exhorter.

"In de Baptis' Chu'ch."

"Why, chile," said the exhorter, "yoh ain't in the army; yoh's in de
navy."

[Transcriber's Note: The copy of this book I was working from was
missing pages 71-74 inclusive.]

_Her Literary Loves_

A talented young professor who was di