's knee I was taught to sing that inspirin'
song: 'Columbus, the Jim of the Ocean'!"

Whereupon there was loud applause.

GIVE HIM TIME

Mr. Johnsing had an enthusiastic admirer in Little Eph Jones.

"Yes, suh," he concluded one of his eulogies, "Mistuh Johnsing is the
biggest man what evuh was."

"Bigger than General Grant?" queried the white man to whom he was
talking.

"Suttinly Mistuh Johnsing is a bigguh man than General Grant," affirmed
Eph.

"Bigger than President Wilson?"

"Of co'se he's bigguh than President Wilson."

"Bigger than God?"

"Well--well--" stammered Eph. "You see, Mistuh Johnsing's young yet."

A BAY STATE SOLOMON

Unfortunately we've mislaid the judge's name, but his court room is in
New Bedford, Mass. Before him appeared a defendant who, hoping for
leniency, pleaded, "Judge, I'm down and out."

Whereupon said the wise judge: "You're down but you're not out. Six
months."

IN MEMORIAM

Availing herself of her ecclesiastical privileges, the clergyman's wife
asked questions which, coming from anybody else, would have been thought
impertinent.

"I presume you carry a memento of some kind in that locket you wear?"
she said.

"Yes, ma'am," said the parishioner. "It is a lock of my husband's hair."

"But your husband is still alive!" the lady exclaimed.

"Yes, ma'am, but his hair is gone."

A DISADVANTAGE

The Germans will be immensely hated after this war. They will be the
pariahs of the future.

Already we see signs of German hatred everywhere. At a reception the
other night in a neutral city, the guest of honor said to a man who had
just been presented to her:

"You are a foreigner, are you not? Where do you come from?"

"From Berlin, ma'am," he answered.

The lady stared at him through her lorgnette.

"Dear me!" she said. "Couldn't you go back and come from somewhere
else?"

THE LIFE

They were two sweet young American girls, able, beautiful, versatile,
patriotic to the core, rushed to death. And one of them said
breathlessly:

"What have you been doing?"

And the other one as breathlessly replied:

"Doing! My dear, I hate to tell you. I got up at six. I drove a car
forty miles to camp. I knitted a sweater and a pair of socks in between.
I went to a Red Cross meeting. I acted as bridesmaid. I read a book on
the war. I took a last lesson in first aid. I canned eighty cans of
vegetables and, oh--!"

"Do tell me!"

"Why, will you believe me, I h