RAYER

A visitor to a Glasgow working woman whose son was at the front was
treated to a fluent harangue on the misdeeds of that "auld blackguard,"
the Kaiser. She ventured to suggest that we should love our enemies and
pray for them.

"Oh, but I pray for him, too."

"What do you say?"

"I say, 'Oh, Lord, deal wi' yon old blackguard, saften his heart, and
damp his powther.'"

CAUTIOUS MOURNER

Walking through the village street one day, the widowed Lady Bountiful
met old Farmer Stubbs on his way to market. Her greeting went unnoticed.

"Stubbs," said she, indignantly, "you might at least raise your hat to
me!"

"I beg your pardon, m'lady," was the reply, "but my poor wife ain't dead
moren' two weeks, and I ain't started lookin' at the wimmen yet!"

UNPREPARED BASE THREATENED

Tommy Tonkins was keen on baseball and particularly ambitious to make
his mark as a catcher. Any hint, however small, was welcomed if it
helped on his advance in his department of the game. When he began to
have trouble with his hands, and somebody suggested soaking them in salt
water to harden the skin, he quickly followed the advice.

Alas! a few days later Tommy had a misfortune. A long hit at the bottom
of the garden sent the ball crashing through a neighbor's sitting-room
window. It was the third Tommy had broken since the season began.

Mrs. Tonkins nearly wept in anger when Tommy broke the news.

"Yer father'll skin yer when 'e comes 'ome to-night," she said.

Poor Tommy, trembling, went outside to reflect. His thoughts traveled to
the strap hanging in the kitchen, and he eyed his hands ruefully.

"Ah!" he muttered, with a sigh. "I made a big mistake. I ought to 'ave
sat in that salt and water!"

INCONSIDERATE

A more kind-hearted and ingenuous soul never lived than Aunt Betsey, but
she was a poor housekeeper. On one occasion a neighbor who had run in
for a "back-door" call was horrified to see a mouse run across Aunt
Betsey's kitchen floor.

"Why on earth don't you set a trap, Betsey?" she asked.

"Well," replied Aunt Betsey. "I did have a trap set. But land, it was
such a fuss! Those mice kept getting into it!"

ANOTHER ENGAGEMENT

An Italian, having applied for citizenship, was being examined in the
naturalization court.

"Who is the President of the United States?"

"Mr. Wils'."

"Who is the Vice-President?"

"Mr. Marsh'."

"Could you be President?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Mister, you 'scuse, plea