for the electric lighting company."

A STOCK SUFFRAGE ARGUMENT

A member of Congress and his wife had been to Baltimore one afternoon.
When they left the train at Washington, on their return, the wife
discovered that her umbrella, which had been entrusted to the care of
her husband, was missing.

"Where's my umbrella?" she demanded.

"I fear I have forgotten it, my dear," meekly answered the statesman.
"It must still be in the train."

"In the train!" snorted the lady. "And to think that the affairs of the
nation are entrusted to a man who doesn't know enough to take care of a
woman's umbrella!"

A DEEP ONE

Johnny stood beside his mother as she made her selection from the
huckster's wagon, and the farmer told the boy to take a handful of
cherries, but the child shook his head.

"What's the matter? Don't you like them?" asked the huckster.

"Yes," replied Johnny.

"Then go ahead an' take some."

Johnny hesitated, whereupon the farmer put a generous handful in the
boy's cap. After the farmer had driven on, the mother asked:

"Why didn't you take the cherries when he told you to?"

"'Cause his hand was bigger'n mine."

PROVING IT

A woman owning a house in Philadelphia before which a gang of workmen
were engaged in making street repairs was much interested in the work.

"And which is the foreman?" she asked of a big, burly Celt.

A proud smile came to the countenance of that individual as he replied:

"Oi am, mum."

"Really?" continued the lady.

"Oi kin prove it, mum," rejoined the Irishman. Then, turning to a
laborer at hand, he added, "Kelly, ye're fired!"

PRAYER OF THE UNRIGHTEOUS

We had a new experience the other day (relates a writer in the _Atlantic
Monthly_) when we picked up two boatloads of survivors from the----,
torpedoed without warning. I will say they were pretty glad to see us
when we bore down on them. As we neared they began to paddle
frantically, as though fearful we should be snatched away from them at
the last moment. The crew were mostly Arabs and Lascars, and the first
mate, a typical comic magazine Irishman, delivered himself of the
following: "Sure, toward the last some o' thim haythen gits down on
their knees and starts calling on Allah: but I sez, sez I, 'Git up afore
I swat ye wid the ax handle, ye benighted haythen; sure if this boat
gits saved 't will be the Holy Virgin does it or none at all, at all!
Git up,'sez I."

MUCH SIMPLER

For an hour the