happiness, but happiness has th' right to run whin
pursood, an' I've niver been able to three her yet. Here I am at
iver-so-manny years iv age blown an' exhausted be th' chase, an'
happiness is still able to do her hundhred yards in tin minyits
flat whin I approach. I'd give all th' rights I read about for
wan priv-lege. If I cud go to sleep th' minyit I go to bed I
wudden't care who done me votin'.

"No, sir, a woman don't need rights. Th' pope, imprors, kings an'
women have priv-leges; ordhin'ry men has rights. Ye niver hear
iv th' Impror of Rooshya demandin' rights. He don't need thim
in his wurruk. He gives thim, such as they ar're, to th' moojiks,
or whativer it is ye call thim. D'ye think anny wan wud make a
gr-reat success be goin' to th' Czar an' sayin': "Czar (or sire,
as th' case may be), ye must be unhappy without th' sufferage.
Ye must be achin' all over to go down to th' livry stable an' cast
ye'er impeeral ballot f'r Oscaroviski K. Hickinski f'r school
thrustee?" I think th' Czar wud reply: 'Gintlemen, ye do me too
much honor. I mus' rayfuse. Th' manly art iv sufferage is wan
iv th' most potint weepins iv th' freeman, but I'm not used to it,
an' I wudden't know what to do with it. It might be loaded. I
think I'll have to crawl along with me modest preerogatives iv
collectin' th' taxes, dalin' life an' death to me subjicks, atin'
free, dhrinkin' th' best an' livin' aisy. But ye shall have ye'er
rights. Posieotofski, lade th' gintlemen out into th' coortyard
an' give thim their rights as Rooshyan citizens. I think about
twinty f'r each iv th' comity an' about a dozen exthry f'r the
chairman. F'r wan iv th' rights guaranteed to his subjicks, be
me sainted father, was a good latherin' ivry time it was comin'
to thim.'

"An' so it is with women. They haven't th' right to vote, but
they have th' priv'lege iv conthrollin' th' man ye ilict. They
haven't th' right to make laws, but they have th' priv'lege iv
breakin' thim, which is betther. They haven't th' right iv a fair
thrile be a jury iv their peers; but they have th' priv'lege iv
an unfair thrile be a jury iv their admirin' infeeryors. If I cud
fly d'ye think I'd want to walk?"

Avarice and Generosity

"I niver blame a man f'r bein' avaricyous in his ol' age. Whin a
fellow gits so he has nawthin' else to injye, whin ivrybody calls
him 'sir' or 'mister,' an' young people dodge him an' he sleeps
afther dinner, an' folks say