age done your way?" the first asked.

"Damage! Rather!" answered the other. "Father and mother were blown
clean out of the window. The neighbors say it's the first time they've
been seen to leave the house together in seventeen years."

_See also_ Families; Marriage.

DREAMS

"Mother, wasn't that a funny dream I had last night?" said a little
boy who was busily engaged with his breakfast cereal.

"Why, I'm sure I don't know!" replied his mother. "I haven't the
slightest idea what your dream was about."

"Why, mother, of course you know!" said the boy reproachfully. "You
were in it."

DRINKING

If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons we should drink;
Good wine--a friend--or being dry--
Or lest we should be by and by--
Or any other reason why.

--_Dr. Henry Aldrich_.

Maybe one swallow doesn't make a summer, but it would brighten it up
considerably.

_Dangerous Advice_

CURATE--"You should be careful! Don't you know that drink is mankind's
worst enemy?"

JEEMS--"Yes; but don't you teach us to love our enemies?"

"Pussyfoot" Johnson, whose effort to prohibitionize Scotland failed
recently, was discussing his failure with a New York editor.

"Yes, I failed," he ended, "and I'm very sorry. Conditions in Scotland
are very bad."

"Did you ever hear the story of the deacon's daughter? This story
illustrates Scottish conditions very well.

"The wife of a Peebles deacon took a bath one evening, and as it was
rainy, chill November weather, she swallowed a teaspoonful or two of
whisky after her bath to keep herself from catching cold. Then in
her dressing-gown she went to bid her little daughter good night. She
stooped over the child's cot and a kiss was exchanged. After the kiss
the little girl drew back sharply, sniffed and said:

"'Why, mamma, you've been using father's perfume, haven't
you?'"--_Detroit Free Press_.

"Now, Sam," said the speaker, "I want you to be present when I deliver
this speech."

"Yassuh."

"I want you to start the laughter and applause. Every time I take a
drink of water, you applaud; and every time I wipe my forehead with my
handkerchief, you laugh."

"You better switch dem signals, boss. It's a heap mo' liable to make
me laugh to see you standin' up dar deliberately takin' a drink o'
water."

A Washington business man, says the Saturday Evening Post, desiring
to test the relative efficiency of two makes of mucil