age, handed the
bottles one morning to his shiny-faced negro messenger.

"Here, John," he said; "try these and see which is the stickiest."

John did not show up at the office again until about noon-time.
He approached his employer's desk somewhat cautiously and gingerly
deposited thereon the two bottles of mucilage.

"Well, John," asked the boss, "which did you find the stickiest?"

"It wuz lak dis, boss," was the reply: "Dis one gummed up ma mouf de
most; but de other one, de taste lasted de longest."

UNABLE SEAMAN--"When I come around again the surgeon, he says to me,
'I'm blooming sorry, mate, I don't know what I was thinking about,'
he says, 'but there's a sponge missin', and I believe it's sewed up
inside yer!' 'What's the odds,' I says, 'let it be.' An there it is to
this day."

GULLIBLE OLD GENTLEMAN--"Bless my soul! Don't it trouble you?"

UNABLE SEAMAN--"I don't feel no particular pain from it, but I do get
most uncommonly thirsty at times, sir."

_See also_ Drunkards; Temperance.

DRUNKARDS

The Lord Mayor of London had been dining pretty well, and Mr. Choate,
Ambassador to England, was seeing his Lordship to the door.

"Now, your Lordship, if you will allow me to advise you," said Mr.
Choate, "when you get to the sidewalk curb you will see two hansoms.
Take the one to the right: the one to the left doesn't exist."

An intoxicated man hailed a cab.

After he had climbed in, the cabby leaned over and asked, "What street
do you want?"

"What streets have you?" he inquired.

"Lots of 'em," smiled the cabby, humoring him.

"Gimme 'em all," he said, waving his arm grandly.

After they had been driving for several hours, the man in the cab
ordered a stop.

"How mush do I owe you?"

"Seven dollars and fifty cents."

"Well--you better drive back till you get to thirty-fi' shents, 'cause
thashall I got."

WIFEY--"I heard a noise when you came in last night."

HUBBY--"Perhaps it was the night falling."

WIFEY (coldly)--"No, it wasn't, it was the day breaking."

DUTCH

BIX--"I see there's a report from Holland that concrete bases for
German cannon have been found there."

DIX--"Don't believe a word you hear from Holland. The geography says
it is a low, lying country."

DYSPEPSIA

_Joy of Eating_

A well-known banker in a down-town restaurant was eating mush and
milk.

"What's the matter?" inquired a friend.

"Got dyspepsia."

"Don't you enjoy