ridge-builder.

"Bill," said the superintendent--and the words quivered with
energy--"I want this job rushed. Every hour's delay costs the company
money. Have you got the engineer's plans for the new bridge?"

"I don't know," said the bridge-builder, "whether the engineer has
the picture drawed yet or not, but the bridge is up and the trains is
passin' over it."--_Harper's_.

"Better consider my course in efficiency training. I can show you how
to earn more money than you are getting."

"I do that now."

The boy was very small and the load he was pushing in the wheelbarrow
was very, very big.

A benevolent old gentleman, putting down his bundles, lent him a
helping hand.

"Really, my boy," he puffed, "I don't see how you manage to get that
barrow up the gutters alone."

"I don't," replied the appreciative kid. "Dere's always some jay
a-standin' round as takes it up for me."--_Puck_.

MRS. CASEY--"Me sister writes me that every bottle in that box we sent
her was broken. Are you sure yez printed 'This side up, with care' on
it!"

CASEY--"Oi am. An' for fear they shouldn't see it on the top, Oi
printed it on the bottom, as well."

COW--"Can you beat it? There's so much system around here now that
they file me in the barn under the letter C."

HEN--"Yes, I have my troubles with efficiency too. They've put a
rubber stamp in my nest so I can date my eggs two weeks ahead."

EGOTISM

SMITH--"You seldom see such beautiful golf as that man plays. His
drives were corking, his approaches superb and he never missed a
putt."

JONES--"How much were you beaten by?"

SMITH--"Why, I won!"

_"I" and "Myself" and "Me"_

When on myself I sometimes turn
My gaze, with introspection stern,
Three persons there I seem to see,
"I" and "Myself," they are, and "Me."

"I" stands alone with confidence,
Pugnacious, quick to take offense,
Assertive, masterful and strong,
Forever right and _never_ wrong,
As Lewis Carroll once avowed,
"I" is extremely "stiff and proud."

"Myself" is rather different,
A chap who is less confident,
Yet full conceited--selfish, too,
And steeped in ego, through and through.
Though others oft "Myself" decry,
He's very, very dear to "I."

Unlike the other two is "Me";
A timid little fellow, he;
Self-conscious, given oft to erring,
My scorn and pity both incurring.
Still, though he's shy as he can be,
While few like