to kippered salmon. The foreign divine asked the
meaning of the uncouth word "kippered," and was told that it meant
"preserved." The poor man, in a public prayer, soon after, offered a
petition that the distinguished divine might long be "kippered to the
Free Church of Scotland."

WHAT IS A SPOON?

A "SPOON" is a thing that is often near a lady's lips without kissing
them. This is like the definition of a "muff," viz., a thing which holds
a lady's hand without squeezing it.

A CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE.

"YOU say, Mrs. Smith, that you have lived with the defendant for eight
years. Does the Court understand from that, that you are married to
him?" "In course it does." "Have you a marriage certificate?" "Yes, your
honor, three on 'em--two gals and a boy." Verdict for the plaintiff.

UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.

ONE of the best things lately said upon age--a very ticklish subject by
the way--was the observation of Mr. James Smith to Mr. Thomas Hill.
"Hill," said the former gentleman, "you take an unfair advantage of an
accident: the register of your birth was burnt in the great fire of
London, and you avail yourself of the circumstance to give out that you
are younger than you are."

TWO-FOLD ILLUSTRATION.

SIR Fletcher Norton was noted for his want of courtesy. When pleading
before Lord Mansfield, on some question of manorial right, he chanced
unfortunately to say, "My Lord, I can illustrate the point in an instant
in my own person: I myself have two little manors." The judge
immediately interposed, with one of his blandest smiles, "We all know
it, Sir Fletcher."

A YANKEE STORY.

AN Englishman was bragging of the speed on English railroads to a Yankee
traveler seated at his side in one of the cars of a "fast train," in
England. The engine bell was rung as the train neared a station. It
suggested to the Yankee an opportunity of "taking down his companion a
peg or two." "What's that noise?" innocently inquired the Yankee. "We
are approaching a town," said the Englishman; "they have to commence
ringing about ten miles before they get to a station, or else the train
would run by it before the bell could be heard! Wonderful, isn't it? I
suppose they haven't invented bells in America yet?" "Why, yes," replied
the Yankee, "we've got bells, but can't use them on our railroads. We
run so 'tarnal fast that the train always keeps ahead of the sound. No
use whatever; the sound never reaches