ain't nowhere else."

FUNNY MISTAKE.

LORD SEAFORTH, who was born deaf and dumb, was to dine, one day, with
Lord Melville. Just before the time of the company's arrival, Lady
Melville sent into the drawing-room, a lady of her acquaintance, who
could talk with her fingers to dumb people, that she might receive Lord
Seaforth. Presently, Lord Guilford entered the room, and the lady,
taking him for Lord Seaforth, began to ply her fingers very nimbly: Lord
Guilford did the same; and they had been carrying on a conversation in
this manner for about ten minutes, when Lady Melville joined them. Her
female friend immediately said, "Well, I have been talking away to this
dumb man." "Dumb!" cried Lord Guilford; "bless me, I thought _you_ were
dumb."--I told this story (which is perfectly true) to Matthews; and he
said that he could make excellent use of it, at one of his evening
entertainments; but I know not if he ever did.--_Rogers' Table-talk._

FILIAL AFFECTION.

"IF ever I wanted anything of my father," said Sam, "I always asked for
it in a very 'spectful and obliging manner. If he didn't give it to me,
I took it, for fear I should be led to do anything wrong, through not
having it. I saved him a world o' trouble this way, Sir."--_Dickens._

DEFINITE INFORMATION.

"WELL, Robert, how much did your pig weigh?" "It did not weigh as much
as I _expected_, and I always thought it _wouldn't_."--_Detroit
Spectator._

FRENCHMEN'S ENGLISH.

Copied, three years ago, from a card in the _Hotel du Rhin_, at
Boulogne.

"SPECIAL omnibus, on the arrived and on the departure, of every convoy
of the railway. Restoration on the card, and dinners at all hour.

Table d'hote at ten half-past, one, and five o'clock.

Bathing place horses and walking carriage.

Interpreter attached to the hotel. Great and little apartments with
saloon for family.

This etablissement entirely new, is admirably situed, on the centre of
the town at proximity of the theatre and coach office, close by the post
horses offer to the travellers all the comfortable desirable and is
proprietor posse by is diligence and is good tenuous justifyed the
confidence wich the travellers pleased to honoured him."

(The orthography and pointing of the stops, are precisely as printed in
the card.)

ADMIRAL DUNCAN.

ADMIRAL DUNCAN'S address to the officers, who came on board his ship for
instructions previous to the engagement wi