s
advice. Our lawyer was curious to see a coal-pit, and was let down by a
rope. Before he was lowered, he said to the parson, "Doctor, your
knowledge is not confined to the surface of the world, but you have
likewise penetrated to its inmost recesses; how far may it be from this
to hell?" "I don't know, exactly," answered he, gravely, "but if you let
go your hold, _you'll be there in a minute_."

A MISAPPELLATION.

A YOUNG officer being indicted for an assault on an aged gentleman, Mr.
Erskine began to open the case thus: "This is an indictment against a
soldier for assaulting an old man." "Sir," indignantly interrupted the
defendant, "I am no soldier, I am an officer!" "I beg your pardon," said
Mr. Erskine; "then, gentlemen of the jury, this is an indictment against
_an officer_, who is _no soldier_, for assaulting an old man."

CONNUBIAL BLISS.

I ONCE met a free and easy actor, who told me he had passed three
festive days at the Marquis and Marchioness of ---- without any
invitation, convinced (as proved to be the case) that my lord and my
lady, not being on _speaking terms_, each would suppose the other had
asked him.--_Reynold's Life and Times._

QUICK FIRING.

WHEN Mr. Thelwell was on his trial for high treason, he wrote this note
to his counsel, Mr. Erskine: "I am determined to plead my own cause."
Erskine answered, "If you do, you'll be hanged." Thelwell replied, "I'll
be hanged if I do."

THE HARDSHIPS OF LIFE.

A DRAMATIC author, not unconscious of his own abilities, observed, that
he knew nothing so terrible as reading a play in the green-room, before
so critical an audience. "I know something more terrible," said Mrs.
Powell. "What is that?" "To be obliged to sit and hear it read."

SYMPTOMS OF CIVILIZATION.

WALKING STUART, being cast away on an unknown shore, where, after he and
his companions had proceeded a long way without seeing a creature, at
length, to their great delight, they descried _a man hanging on a
gibbet_. "The joy," says he, "which this _cheering sight_ excited,
cannot be described; for it convinced us that we were in a _civilized
country_."

AN IMPROVEMENT.

A GENTLEMAN asked his _black diamond merchant_ the price of coals. "Ah!"
said he, significantly shaking his head, "coals are coals, now." "I am
glad to hear that," observed the wit, "for the last I had of you, were
half of them slates."

A SENTIMENTAL FOSSIL.