ow
it."

A PRINTER IN COURT.

A SUIT came on the other day in which a printer named Kelvy was a
witness. The case was an assault and battery that came off between two
men named Brown and Henderson.

"Mr. Kelvy, did you witness the affair referred to?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, what have you to say about it?"

"That it was the best piece of punctuation I have seen for some time."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Why, that Brown dotted one of Henderson's eyes, for which Henderson put
a period to Brown's breathing for about half a minute."

The court comprehended the matter at once, and fined the defendant fifty
dollars.

TAKING THE PAPER.

"SIR," said a pompous personage who once undertook to bully an editor,
"do you know that I take your paper?" "I've no doubt you take it,"
replied the man of the quill, "for several of my honest subscribers have
been complaining lately about their papers being missing in the
morning."

IMPRESSIVE DISCOURSE.

IT is stated that the Rev. George Trask, of Pittsburg, lectured so
powerfully in Webster, a few days ago, against the use of tobacco, that
several of his audience went home and burned their cigars--holding one
end of them in their mouths.

HOW "GEORGE" BECAME A TEETOTALER.

A SHORT time since, a young man living in Ogdensburgh, N. Y., whose name
we shall call George, took to drinking rather more than usual, and some
of his friends endeavored to cure him. One day, when he was in rather a
loose condition, they got him in a room, and commenced conversing about
_delirium tremens_, directing all their remarks to him, and telling him
what fearful objects, such as snakes and rats, were always seen by the
victims of this horrible disease. When the conversation had waxed high
on this theme, one of the number stepped out of the room, and from a
trap which was at hand let a large rat into the room. None of his
friends appeared to see it, but the young man who was to be the victim
seized a chair and hurled it at the rat, completely using up the piece
of furniture in the operation. Another chair shared the same fate, when
his friends seized him, and with terror depicted on their faces,
demanded to know what was the matter.

"Why, don't you see that cursed big rat?" said he, pointing to the
animal, which, after the manner of rats, was making his way round the
room, close to the walls.

They all saw it, but all replied that they didn't see it--"_ther