r the
all-important settlement. On introducing himself, and after several
fruitless attempts to dissipate the favourable effects of Mr. Morgan's
visit, he was finally informed by one of the leading men of the precinct
that:

"It ish no good you coming hare, Colonel Shackson, we have all promisht
to vote for our friendt, Meisther Morgans."

"Ah! ha!" says the Colonel: "but did you hear what Mr. Morgan did when
he returned from visiting you?"

"No, vat vas it?"

"Why, he ordered his chamber-maid to bring him some soap and warm water,
that he might wash the sour krout off his hands."

The Colonel left, and in a few days the election coming off, each
candidate made his appearance at the critical German polls.

The votes were then given _viva voce_, and you may readily judge of Mr.
Morgan's astonishment as each lusty Dutchman announced the name of
Colonel Shackson, holding up his hand toward the outwitted candidate,
and indignantly asking:

"Ah! ha! Meisther Morgans, you zee ony zour krout dare?"

It is needless to say that Colonel Shackson took a seat in the next
Congress.

CONFESSION.

"SUSAN, stand up and let me see what you have learned. What does
c-h-a-i-r spell?"

"I don't know, marm."

"Why, you ignorant critter! What do you always sit on?"

"Oh, marm, I don't like to tell."

"What on earth is the matter with the gal?--tell what is it."

"I don't like to tell--it was Bill Crass's knee, but he never kissed me
but twice."

"Airthquake and apple-sarse!" exclaimed the schoolmistress, and she
fainted.

A HAY FIELD ANECDOTE.

AN old gentleman who was always bragging how folks used to work in his
young days, one time challenged his two sons to pitch on a load of hay
as fast as he could load it.

The challenge was accepted and the hay-wagon driven round and the trial
commenced. For some time the old man held his own very creditably,
calling out, tauntingly, "More hay! more hay!"

Thicker and faster it came. The old man was nearly covered; still he
kept crying, "More hay! more hay!" until struggling to keep on the top
of the disordered and ill-arranged heap, it began first to roll, then to
slide, and at last off it went from the wagon, and the old man with it.

"What are you down here for?" cried the boys.

"I came down after hay," answered the old man, stoutly.

Which was a literal fact. He had come down after the wagon load, which
had to be pitched on again rather more delibera