dear, my
fingers is all thumbs, that's a fact, I can't handle such little things
as fast as you can.' 'Well, come,' says she, 'make haste, that's a dear,
mother will be comin' directly;' and at last I shut to both my eyes, and
fastened it; and when I had done, says I, 'There is one thing I must
say, Lucy.' 'What's that?' says she. 'That you may stump all Connecticut
to show such an angeliferous neck as you have. I never saw the beat of
it in all my born days--it's the most----' 'And you may stump the State,
too,' says she, 'to produce such another bold, forrard, impedent,
onmannerly tongue, as you have--so there now--so get along with
you.'"--_Sam Slick._

A GREAT CALF.

SIR William B., being at a parish meeting, made some proposals which
were objected to by a farmer. Highly enraged, "Sir," says he to the
farmer, "do you know that I have been at two universities, and at two
colleges at each university?" "Well, sir," said the farmer, "what of
that? I had a calf that sucked two cows, and the observation I made was,
the more he sucked, the greater calf he grew."--_Flowers of Anecdote._

TAXATION.

THERE is one passage in the Scriptures, to which all the potentates of
Europe seem to have given their unanimous assent and approbation, and to
have studied so thoroughly, as to have it at their fingers'
ends:--"There went out a decree in the days of Augustus Caesar, that all
the world should be taxed."--_C. C. Colton._

AN ITINERANT MARTYR.

"JIM," said one fast man, yesterday to another, "it is reported that you
left the East, on account of your belief, an itinerant martyr." "How,"
replied Jim, flattered by the remark, "how's that?" "Why, a police
officer told me that you believed everything you saw belonged to you,
and as the public didn't, you left."

SEE--SAW.

"NOGGS, Jr," speaking of a blind wood sawyer, says: "While none ever
_saw_ him _see_, thousands have _seen_ him _saw_."

FELLOW-FEELING.

A COUNTRYMAN was dragging a calf by a rope in a cruel manner. An
Irishman asked him if that was the way "he threated a fellow creathur?"

MISAPPLICATION OF WORDS BY FOREIGNERS.

THE misapplication of English words by foreigners is often very
ludicrous. A German friend saluted us once with, "Oh, good bye, good
bye!"--meaning, of course, "How d'ye do?" It is said that Dr. Chalmers
once entertained a distinguished guest from Switzerland, whom he asked
if he would be helped