d! He does not look like
one o' the sort to take cold. He'd better taken cold, than our only
umbrella. Do you hear the rain, Caudle? I say do you _hear the rain_? Do
you hear it against the windows? Nonsense; you can't be asleep with such
a shower as that. Do you _hear_ it, I say? Oh, you _do_ hear it, do you?
Well, that's a pretty flood, I think, to last six weeks, and no stirring
all the time out of the house. Poh! don't think to fool _me_, Caudle:
_he_ return the umbrella! As if any body ever _did_ return an umbrella!
There--do you hear it? Worse and worse! Cats and dogs for six
weeks--always six weeks--and no umbrella!

"I should like to know how the children are to go to school, to-morrow.
They shan't go through _such_ weather, _that_ I'm determined. No; they
shall stay at home, and never learn anything, sooner than go and get
wet. And when they grow up, I wonder who they'll have to thank for
knowing nothing. People who can't feel for their children ought never to
_be_ fathers.

"But _I_ know why you lent the umbrella--_I_ know very well. I was going
out to tea to mother's, to-morrow;--you _knew_ that very well; and you
did it on purpose. Don't tell me; _I_ know: you don't want me to go, and
take every mean advantage to hinder me. But don't you think it, Caudle.
No; if it comes down in buckets-full, I'll go all the more: I will; and
what's more, I'll walk every step of the way; and you know that will
give me my death," &c., &c., &c.

FOLLOW YOUR NOSE.

"PRAY, Sir, what makes you walk so crookedly?" "Oh, my nose, you see, is
crooked, and I have to follow it!"

LORENZO DOW.

LORENZO DOW is still remembered by some of the "old fogies" as one of
the most eccentric men that ever lived. On one occasion he took the
liberty, while preaching, to denounce a rich man in the community,
recently deceased. The result was an arrest, a trial for slander, and an
imprisonment in the county jail. After Lorenzo got out of "limbo," he
announced that, in spite of his (in his opinion) unjust punishment, he
should preach, at a given time, a sermon about "another rich man." The
populace was greatly excited, and a crowded house greeted his
appearance. With great solemnity he opened the Bible, and read, "And
there was a rich man who died and went to ----;" then stopping short,
and seeming to be suddenly impressed, he continued: "Brethren, I shall
not mention the place this rich man went to, for fear he has some
relati