by the apparent demonstration on the part of the former to
suit the action to the word, he found himself in the "social hall,"
tumbling backwards over a pile of baggage, tearing the knees of his
pants as he scrambled up, and a perfect scream of laughter stunning him
on all sides. The defeat was total. A few moments afterward he was seen
dragging his own trunk ashore, while Mr. Hitchcock finished his story on
the boiler deck.--_St. Louis Reveille._

DANCING THEIR RAGS OFF.

TWO unsophisticated country lasses visited Niblo's in New York during
the ballet season. When the short-skirted, gossamer clad nymphs made
their appearance on the stage they became restless and fidgety.

"Oh, Annie!" exclaimed one _sotto voce_.

"Well, Mary?"

"It ain't nice--I don't like it."

"Hush."

"I don't care, it ain't nice, and I wonder aunt brought us to such a
place."

"Hush, Mary, the folks will laugh at you."

After one or two flings and a pirouette, the blushing Mary said:

"Oh, Annie, let's go--it ain't nice, and I don't feel comfortable."

"Do hush, Mary," replied the sister, whose own face was scarlet, though
it wore an air of determination: "it's the first time I ever was at a
theatre, and I suppose it will be the last, _so I am just going to stay
it out, if they dance every rag off their backs_!"

DISINTERESTED ADVICE.

"HUSBAND, I have the asthma so bad that I can't breathe." "Well, my
dear, I wouldn't try; nobody wants you to."

AN EDITOR DREAMING ON WEDDING CAKE.

A BACHELOR editor out West, who had received from the fair hand of a
bride, a piece of elegant wedding-cake to dream on, thus gives the
result of his experience.

"We put it under the head of our pillow, shut our eyes sweetly as an
infant blessed with an easy conscience, and snored prodigiously. The God
of dreams gently touched us, and lo! in fancy we were married! Never was
a little editor so happy. It was 'my love,' 'dearest,' 'sweetest,'
ringing in our ears every moment. Oh! that the dream had broken off
here. But no! some evil genius put it into the head of our ducky to have
pudding for dinner just to please her lord.

"In a hungry dream, we sat down to dinner. Well, the pudding moment
arrived, and a huge slice almost obscured from sight the plate before
us.

"'My dear,' said we fondly, 'did you make this?'

"'Yes, my love, ain't it nice?'

"'Glorious--the best bread pudding I ever tasted in my life.'

"'Plum pudd