Cincinnati, who is so modest that he will not
"embrace an opportunity." He would make a good mate for the lady who
fainted when she heard of the naked truth.

NATIONAL PARADOXES.

SOMEBODY once remarked, that the Englishman is never happy, but when he
is miserable; the Scotchman is never at home, but when he is abroad; and
the Irishman is never at peace, but when he is fighting.

A DUTCH JURY.

JUDGE JONES, of Indiana, who never allows a chance for a joke to pass
him, occupied the bench when it became necessary to obtain a juryman in
a case in which L----and B---- were employed as counsel. The former was
an illiterate Hibernian, the latter decidedly German in his modes of
expression:

The sheriff immediately proceeded to look around the room in search of a
person to fill the vacant seat, when he espied a Dutch Jew, and claimed
him as his own. The Dutchman objected.

"I can't understant goot Englese."

"What did he say?" asked the judge.

"I can't understant goot Englese," he repeated.

"Take your seat," cried the judge, "take your seat; that's no excuse.
You are not likely to hear any of it!"

Under that decision he took his seat.

A YELLOW FEVER JOKE.

THE _Mobile Advertiser_, of the 19th ult., tells the following good
story of a notorious practical joker of that city, yclept "Straight-back
Dick." Dick was at the wharf, one day last week, when one of the up
river boats arrived. He watched closely the countenance of each
passenger as he stepped from the plank upon the wharf, and at length
fastened his gaze upon an individual, who, from his appearance and
manner, was considerably nearer Mobile than he had ever been before. He
was evidently ill at ease, and had probably heard the reports which were
rife in the country relative to the hundreds dying in Mobile every hour
from yellow fever. The man started off towards Dauphin street, carpet
sack in hand, but had not proceeded far when a heavy hand was laid upon
his shoulder, and he suddenly stopped. Upon turning round, he met the
cold, serious countenance of Dick, and it seemed to send a thrill of
terror throughout his whole frame. After looking at him steadily for
about a minute, Dick slowly ejaculated:

"Yes, you are the man. Stand straight!"

With fear visible in his countenance, the poor fellow essayed to do as
commanded.

"Straighter yet!" said Dick. "There, that will do," and taking from his
pocket a small tape measure, he st