boy sat down, and the Dean going to the door, with
the fish in his hand, came up to the table, and making a low bow, said,
"Sir, my master presents his kind compliments, and begs your acceptance
of this turbot." "Does he?" answered the boy, assuming all the
consequence of his situation. "Here, John! (_ringing_,) take this honest
lad down to the kitchen, and let him have as much as he can eat and
drink; then send him up to me, and I'll give him half a crown."

ADVICE.

A GENTLEMAN, who used to frequent the Chapter Coffee-house, being
unwell, thought he might make so free as to steal an opinion concerning
his case; accordingly, one day he took an opportunity of asking one of
the faculty, who sat in the same box with him, what he should take for
such a complaint? "I'll tell you," said the doctor, "you should _take
advice_."

MIRACLE OF MIRACLES.

THE author of the life of St. Francis Xavier, asserts, that "by one
sermon he converted _ten thousand persons_ in a _desert_ island."

CREDAT JUDAEUS APELLA, NON EGO.

A GENTLEMAN, talking of the tenacity of life in turtles, asserted that
he had himself seen the head of one, which had been cut off three weeks,
open its jaws. The circle around did not exactly contradict him, but
exhibited expressive appearances of incredulity. The historian referred
himself to a stranger, whose polite attention to the tale flattered him
that it had received his full credence, which was corroborated by the
other observing that he had himself seen strong instances of the
turtle's tenaciousness of life. The stranger answered, "Your account is
a very extraordinary one; could you have believed it if you had not seen
it yourself?" The narrator readily answered, "No." "Then," replied the
other, to his infinite mortification, and the gratification of the
company, "I hope you will pardon me if I do not believe it."

WARNING.

A SERVANT telling her master that she was going to give her mistress
warning, as she kept scolding her from morning till night, he exclaimed
with a sigh, "Happy girl! I wish I could give her warning too!"

IRISH RECRUITING.

A SERJEANT enlisted a recruit, who on inspection turned out to be a
woman. Being asked by his officer how he made such a blunder, he said,
"Plase your honor I could not help it; I enlisted this _girl_ for a
_man_, and _he_ turns out to be a _woman_."

SCENE IN A POLICE OFFICE.

THE prisoner in this cas