w dreams always go by contraries." "Do they so?"
replied she, "then it must be that your honor will give me the taa, and
her ladyship the tobacco."

THE PROVIDENT WIFE.

A TAILOR dying said to his wife, who was plunged in tears, "My dear,
don't let my death afflict you too much. I would recommend you to marry
Thomas, our foreman; he is a good lad and a clever workman, and would
assist you to carry on the trade." "My love," answered the disconsolate
dame, "make yourself easy on that score, for Tom and I have settled the
matter already."

THE COCKNEY'S BAGGAGE.

SUT LOVINGOOD sends the following to an exchange. A full-blooded Cockney
who is now taking notes on the United States, chanced to be on one of
our southern trains, when a "run off" took place, and a general mixing
up of things was the consequence. Cockney's first act, after
straightening out his collapsed hat, was to raise a terrible 'ubbub
about 'is baggage, and among other things, wanted to know, "hif
railroads hin Hamerika wasn't responsible for baggage stolen, smashed,
or missing?"

"Well, yes," said the Tennessean addressed, "but it is a deuce of a job
to get your pay."

"Why so?"

"They will perhaps admit your claim, but then _they offer to fight you
for it_; that's a standing American rule. There is the man employed by
this road to _fight for baggage_," pointing to a huge bewhiskered
train-hand, who stood by with his sleeves rolled up, "I think, if my
memory serves me, he has fought for sixty-nine lots, _an' blamed if he
haint won 'em all_. They gave him the empty trunks for his pay, and he
is making a hundred dollars a month in selling trunks, valises,
carpet-bags, and satchels. Have you lost any baggage?"

"No, no, not hat hall. Hi just hasked to learn your custom hin case hi
_did_ lose hany. Hi don't _think_ hi'll lose mine 'owever."

Here the train-hand who overheard the talk, stepped up, and inquired,
"Have you lost anything?"

"Ho no! ho no!" replied Cockney, with unusual energy.

"Can't I sell you a trunk?"

"Thank you, Sir. No, I think I have a supply."

"Well, if you do either lose baggage or want to buy a trunk _already
marked_, deuced if I ain't the man to call on."

It is needless to say that instead of raising Cain generally, as Cockney
had been doing, he betook him to zealously writing notes on American
customs during the remainder of the delay. Probably he indited something
fully equal to the _London Times_