l, "those ducks can't be such a rare
breed; I have some very like them in my own yard."

"That's not unlikely, Sir," replied the farmer; "they are not the _only_
ducks I have had stolen lately!"

"Call the _next_ witness!"

QUESTION SOLVED.

A MATHEMATICIAN being asked by a stout fellow,

"If two pigs weigh twenty pounds, how much will a large hog weigh?"

"Jump into the scales," was the reply, "and I'll tell you in a minute!"

The mathematician "had him there!"

SCOTTISH THEATRICALS.

A COMPANY of performers announced in their bills the opening of a
theatre at Montrose, with the Farce of _The Devil to Pay_, to be
followed with the Comedy of _The West Indian_. Adverse winds, however,
prevented the arrival of their scenes from Aberdeen, in time for
representation, on the evening appointed. It was therefore found
necessary to give notice of the postponement of the performance, which
was thus delivered by the town-crier:

"O yes! O yes! O yes! this is to let you to wit, that the play-ackers
havena' got their screens up yet frae Aberdeen, and so canna begin the
night; but on Monday night, God willing, there will be _the Deevil to
pay in the West Indies_."

THE CUNNING FOOL.

A GENTLEMAN had a son who was deemed an idiot. The little fellow, when
nine or ten years of age, was fond of drumming, and once dropt his
drum-stick into the draw-well. He knew that his carelessness would be
punished by its not being searched for, and therefore did not mention
his loss, but privately took a large silver punch-ladle, and dropped it
into the same well. Strict inquiry took place; the servants all pleaded
ignorance, and looked with suspicion on each other; when the young
gentleman, who had thrust himself into the circle, said he had observed
something shine at the bottom of the draw-well. A fellow was dropt down
in the bucket, and soon bawled out from the bottom, "I have found the
punch-ladle, so wind me up." "Stop," roared out the lad, "stop, _now
your hand's in, you may as well bring up my drum-stick_."

THE DEAN INSTRUCTED.

A GENTLEMAN having sent a turbot as a present to Swift, the servant who
carried it entered the doctor's study abruptly, and laying down the
fish, said, "Master has sent you this turbot." "Heyday! young man,"
exclaimed the Dean, "is this the way you behave yourself? Let me teach
you better. Sit down on this chair, and I will show you how to deliver
such a message." The