sir! Having at last found it, he placed it in his mouth,
picked up what there was left of his clothes and made his way up ahead
to the other car.

"Tickets!" said the conductor.

"You bet!" said Lehman, taking the ticket from his mouth and handing it
to the conductor.

The conductor took it, copied the number on to his plan, handed the
ticket to the porter and the porter took him in and put him to bed
_again_.

Lehman tried to say his evening prayer again, but couldn't remember it.
While he was thinking it over the door at the ladies' end of the car
opened and something came down the aisle. As this "something" came out
of the ladies' apartment, it was presumably a woman. But Lehman disputes
that fact to this day. She was about six feet long, nine inches wide,
all the way, and about the color of a cowhide trunk. Her hair was in
curl papers, her teeth in her pocket and her trust in Heaven. Like a
grenadier she marched down the aisle until she came to the berth where
Lehman was trying to die as painlessly as possible. Upon arriving here
she pulled the curtains aside, sat down on the edge of the berth, jabbed
Lehman in the stomach with her elbow, and said loudly--

"_Lay over!_"

Lehman groaned, got one look at the female, then placed both feet in the
small of her back and shot her out on to the floor, yelling loudly for
the police.

The car was in an uproar in an instant. Lehman was lying on his back,
shouting "Police!" The female was screaming and hunting for her teeth.
The conductor, the porter and the brakeman came running in to see
whether it was a political discussion or just a murder. All the old lady
could do was to mumble and hunt for her teeth. A man across the aisle
swore that he saw Lehman stab the old lady with a bowie knife and throw
her out into the aisle. The woman with the baby corroborated him,
excepting that she thought he hit her with a piece of lead pipe.

By this time the old lady had found part of her Fletcherizing outfit and
informed the congregation that she was neither struck nor stabbed; but
that her husband in the berth there had certainly gone crazy.

There was a sympathetic chorus of "Oh!s" from the other passengers and
the conductor jerked the curtains aside and asked Lehman what he meant
by treating his wife this way.

"_My wife?_" screamed Lehman. "Why you ---- --!$!--&--$&'o$--! Are you
calling that old goat face _my wife_?"

"Sure that's your wife! Don't you suppose she knows