ht," said Joe; "set your stage."

Hubby went down to the edge of the wharf, leaning over and looking at
the water below.

Joe sauntered down that way, saw him, started, went over to him, said,
"Hullo, old chap!" and slapped him on the back.

Hubby started--and lost his glasses into the ocean, while the hat
remained firmly on his head.

* * * * *

The Four Blank Sisters were playing the Columbia at Cincinnati; Mama
Blank traveled with the act; Mama was about five feet long and four
wide; and she was built too far front; she was at least fifteen inches
out over the building line.

On this particular night the German Consul was to be in front to see the
girls. Coram, the English Ventriloquist, was doing his act in "One." The
girls came next. Mama spied a peek hole in the curtain; this peek hole
was about the center of the stage. Mama said, "So; I should see if the
Consul iss dere already yet."

So she went to the peek hole; it was just about two inches too high; so,
in order to make it, Mama had to stand on tiptoe; this change in her
"point of support" threw her center of gravity still further front, so
that by the time she got her eyes up to within a foot of the peek hole,
her front piazza was right up against the curtain; but she didn't know
it; she kept stepping forward to get nearer to the peek hole, and her
stomach kept shoving it further and further away.

Meanwhile she was crowding poor Coram, out in front, further and further
into the footlights. Finally, in desperation, he brought his elbow back
against the curtain with a whack. It struck poor Mama where she was the
most prominent, and knocked every bit of breath out of her. With a groan
she collapsed, and it took the four daughters all the rest of the
evening to get her pumped up again.

* * * * *

Hanging on the walls of the old S. & C. House in Seattle were the
following rules:

If you don't like the Laundry, tell the Property Man, and he will put a
washtub and clothes line in your room.

If you don't like the way the stage is run, join the Union and run it
yourself.

If you don't like the Manager, tell him, and he will resign.

If your act don't go well here it is because you are over their heads.

In case of fire all Artists will please gather in the center of the
stage and wait orders from the Stage Manager.

[Illustration: "Good Morning."]

NEVER AGAIN

Har