delivered a beautiful and touching oration on the Heavenly hand
that had guided the feet of this poor erring brother here to the Throne
of Grace, and he finished up by saying,

"And now, brothers and sisters, let us all rise and sing that beautiful
hymn, 'The Old Ship of Zion.'"

Three minutes afterwards little Mickie burst into his own home and threw
himself into his mother's arms, sobbing as if his heart was breaking.

"What is it, me darlin'; what is the matter? Where is your father?"

"He's dead; he's dead," sobbed Mickie. "He wint into the Salvation Army,
and he fell onto the flure, and they all stood up and begun to
sing--'The Ould Mick Is Dyin'!'"

* * * * *

From a letter published in _The Player_:

"The theater is a dump, owing to the unsanitary condition of the house
and management."

* * * * *

Little Miss Muffet
Sat down on a tuffet
In Churchill's new Cafe.
A Pittsburger spied 'er
And sat down beside 'er
And they couldn't drive Miss Muffet away.

* * * * *

Special attention is called to the fact that this is the only collection
of stories about actor folks ever published, that does not have the one
about the man in the spiked shoes stepping on the actor's meal ticket.

* * * * *

From an English Theatrical paper I clip the following names:

Price & Revost; Bumps the Bumps.
Niagara & Falls; French Acrobats.
Boston & Philadelphia.
Merry & Glad.
Willie Stoppit.

* * * * *

Nat Haines was playing poker; Laloo was one of the players. Laloo was a
freak that came to this country some years ago, and at one time
commanded a salary of a thousand dollars a week. He was a very handsome
young fellow, but had growing out from his breast the body of a small
female. He had no muscular control of this secondary body, but could
take hold of its hands and arms and work them all about.

After they had been playing a while Nat discovered that Laloo was
cheating; he said nothing at the time, simply throwing his hand down and
passing out. But when the hand was over and some one else was dealing,
Nat leaned over to Laloo and said,

"Say, Kid; you do that again and I'll give your sister a kick in the
neck."

FIREMAN, SAVE MY CHILD

A comic opera company was playing Moose Jaw, Canada. I don't have to say
w