the baby. Then after I was made up I would come in again
and visit them. But the maid never knew that I was the same fellow; and
along the last of the week she began to wonder what ever became of that
old chap she saw around the stage during the show, but never afterwards.
So she went over to Miss Dayne and said,

"Say, do you carry that old man with you or do you get a new one in
every town?"

* * * * *

"Well," said Clarence Drown, manager of the Los Angeles Orpheum, "she is
one of those women you are always glad to learn is the wife of some man
you don't like."

* * * * *

Freddie Niblo, Jr., sat on the floor in their New York home one day,
thinking it over. Finally he looked up at his mother (Josephine Cohan)
and said,

"Say, Mama, wouldn't it be nice if you had a regular husband instead of
an actor husband? Then perhaps he would be at home sometimes."

* * * * *

A well known Booking Agency had just transferred one of the
stenographers from the New York office to the Chicago office. On her
first morning in the new office she came over to the manager and said,

"I suppose you start the day the same here as they do in the New York
office?"

"Why--er--yes--I suppose so," said the manager.

"Well, kiss me then, and let me get to work."

ASLEEP WITH HER SWITCH

A certain young lady (and Abe Jacobs says he knows she was a lady
because she told him so, adding the information that any one who said
she wasn't was a ---- ---- liar) was appearing at the Majestic Theater
in Chicago not so very long ago. Owing to conditions over which she,
apparently, had no control, the exact hours of her appearance were a
little uncertain. Her first entrance was rather a dramatic affair. One
of the other characters, hearing a noise behind a certain door, would
draw a revolver, aim it at the door, and say--

"Come out! Come out, or I will shoot!"

Upon this occasion everything ran smoothly--up to this point; the
gentleman had drawn his revolver and ordered her to appear.

"Come out!" he said; "come out or I will shoot!"

But there was nothing doing; so he repeated,

"Come out or I will shoot!"

And still nothing doing; so for a third time he called,

"If you don't come out I will shoot!"

There was a pause, then, as the curtain started to descend, a disgusted
voice came from the stage manager's box,

"Go on and sho