ike to have
him tell us where those thirty thousand papers go to."

The little old chap arose, scratched his bushy head and said,

"Well--it goes all over. Of course most of 'em go 'round through New
York state. But some of 'em go down to Massachusetts, Maine and New
Hampshire. Then a few go down South. I have a few subscribers out
through California and Oregon and Washington. Some go to Honolulu; the
Philippines and two or three go as far as Australia.

"And," he continued, with a sigh, "along in the earlier days I used to
have considerable trouble to keep it from going to Hell."

* * * * *

[Illustration: "Bring her Hither."]

A young fellow up in New Hampshire has written a Vaudeville playlet and
sent it on for my approval. If he could have kept up the gait he struck
on the first page I should have bought it:

_Maid_: A lady waits without.

_Master_: Without what?

_Maid_: Without food or raiment.

_Master_: Give her food and bring her hither.

* * * * *

The cost of high living has evidently not struck Philadelphia yet; for
in the window of a little store on North Ninth Street there is a
sign--"A glass bowl--a goldfish--a tadpole and one seaweed--all for 8
cents."

* * * * *

There must have been a crook around New York this winter, for hanging up
over the workmen's lockers in the garage where I keep my car is a sign
saying--

"_Keep Out. We Mourn Our Loss._"

[Illustration]

THE PERILS OF A GREAT CITY

At the corner of 44th Street and Broadway, New York, the street car
tracks, in making the turn, swing in quite near to the curb; in fact,
there is just room enough for a single vehicle to drive between them.

One night as my wife and I were driving down in our automobile we
reached this corner just as an uptown car and a downtown car were
meeting there. The uptown car stopped to let off a passenger. The
downtown car slowed down, so as not to run down anyone coming around
the back of the uptown car. And, not to be outdone in caution, we slowed
down also.

An old Irish lady got off the uptown car. She had an armful of bundles,
and had on a sailor hat, with no hat pins in it; so that she had to keep
tossing her head to keep it balanced and straight. She walked around the
back of the uptown car--just in season to walk in front of the downtown
car. The motorman sounded his bell, "_Bang! Bang!_" T