decomposition and
I couldn't sell it to anybody else I think I should try to sell it to
the chap that painted that automobile on the drop curtain in the Garrick
Theater in Chicago.

On this drop curtain there is painted an electric runabout. The chap
that painted it knew a good deal more about painting than he did about
automobiles. There isn't the slightest symptom of any steering gear on
it; the front axle is a straight iron rod without a sign of any joint in
it.

One of the passengers is either sitting exactly on the top of the
steering bar, or else there isn't any; and with all four wheels set
rigidly so it can't turn, the car is just leaving the roadway and
plunging into a flower bed.

* * * * *

There is one theater in Chicago that is going to have an awful time
enforcing that "no tipping allowed" rule. The Illinois Theater has a
stage manager by the name of Frank Tipping.

* * * * *

My wife says that all the Mormons are not in Utah: only their wives are
not on.

* * * * *

Jim Morton says Duluth is a nice little "Street in One."

* * * * *

Fred Wyckoff says the two worst weeks in show business are Holy Week and
Milwaukee.

* * * * *

"Tommie" Ryan has got the right idea. He has had himself appointed as a
special police officer over at his home in Hohokus, N. J. (Think of any
one's having a bright idea in a town with a name like that.) Now when he
gets lonesome he runs his automobile up Main Street at full speed (13
miles an hour), arrests himself for overspeeding, collects two dollars
for making the arrest, then fails to appear against himself and the case
is dismissed.

* * * * *

There is no disputing the fact that education is a great help to a young
man starting out in the world. Said bright thought being prompted by the
following ad, clipped from a Buffalo, N. Y., paper:

"Help Wanted: Automobile washer, $18.00. Stenographer and book keeper,
$12.00."

* * * * *

I attended a newspaper men's banquet in Rochester, N. Y. One of the
speakers, a quaint, funny appearing little old chap, was introduced as a
man who lived in a town of six thousand population, but had a
circulation of thirty thousand for his paper.

"And," said the toastmaster, as he introduced him, "I would l