ked Papa anxiously.

"From Frank Brothers."

"Gott in Himmel; I thought the boy said 'Frankfurters'; they are the ice
box in."

* * * * *

Al and his father were sitting at the breakfast table.

"Where iss it that you go next veek?" asked Papa.

"Birmingham," said Al shortly.

At this moment Mama came in from the kitchen, and overheard.

"No, Allie," she said quickly, "it iss not the ham vat iss burning; it
iss the eggs."

* * * * *

In the "George Washington, Jr.," Company there was a young lady who laid
great stress on the refined atmosphere in which she had been brought up.
Everything in her home had been just a little more refined than any one
else had ever enjoyed. One day at the table the subject of
coffee-drinking came up; some thought it harmful, others did not;
finally Carter De Haven asked this young lady what she thought about it.

"Well," she said, in her precise way, "I don't think it hurts anybody. I
know Papa always drank five and six saucersful every morning, and it
never hurt him."

THE OLD SHIP OF ZION

Old Dennie O'Brion had looked upon the wine when it was red in the cup
so long that he was about down and out; no one would hire him any more,
even in the most menial capacity. His poor, hard-working wife had at
last taken the pledge not to support him any longer in idleness, so it
was up to Dennie to do something desperate. The most desperate thing he
could think of was to swear off. So before the priest he took a solemn
vow not to touch a drop of liquor for one year.

And he managed to retain his seat on the wagon splendidly--for
thirty-six hours.

On the evening of the second day Mrs. O'Brion, in appreciation of his
desperate efforts to conquer the demon rum, took Dennie and their
twelve-year-old-son Mickie to the theater. It was a rollicking,
up-to-date, musical comedy. The boys and the girls of the chorus at the
rise of the curtain gayly quaffed huge quantities of imaginary wine
from near-golden goblets. The Comedian was a jolly, jovial souse who
never, during the first two acts, got sober but once, and then got into
trouble by it.

The first act took place in a Parisian cafe, where the chorus men were
all American millionaires buying wine for the Chorus Ladies.

The second act took place in a brewery, where the Comedian fell into a
beer vat and was only saved by the number of champaign corks he had in
his