n over to Buffalo Bill's place in the morning,
before the matinee."

I told him I would; it would be a good run for him.

Buffalo Bill lives in North Platte, Nebraska.

* * * * *

One of the provincial music halls in England has the roof arranged like
a roll-top desk, so that in hot weather it can be rolled back, thus
making a sort of roof garden out of it. An American Song and Dance Team
was making their first European appearance there; their act was a much
bigger hit than they had anticipated; and when they came off at the end
of their act one of them said delightedly to the other,

"Say, we just kicked the roof off of them, didn't we?"

"I beg pawdon, old chap," said the stage manager, overhearing him; "it
rolls off, you know."

* * * * *

James Thornton and Fred Hallen were coming out of the Haymarket Theater
in Chicago; Jim, who was ahead, let the door slam back against Fred.

"Oh, Good Lord," howled Fred, hanging on to his elbow; "right on the
funny bone."

Jim looked at him, and in that ministerial way of his said,

"You haven't a funny bone in your body."

* * * * *

A young man asked me recently what spelled success on the stage. I told
him the only way I had ever found of spelling it was W-O-R-K.

SOME HOTEL WHYS

Why are porters and bellboys always so much more anxious to help you
_out_ than _in_?

Why do so many hotel bathrooms have warm cold water and cold hot water?

Why is it that on the morning you are expecting company you can never
find the chambermaid? And every other morning she tries your door every
fifteen minutes regularly.

Why does a hotel clerk always try to give you some room different from
the one you ask for?

Why does a hotel cashier always look at you pityingly?

Why does a bellboy always try to get two quarts of water into a quart
pitcher?

Why do hotels feed actors cheaper than they do folks?

Why is a mistake in the bill always in the hotel's favor?

Why does the landlord's wife always have theatrical trunks?

Why do drummers always leave their doors open?

Why does my wife always try to get a corner table, and then put me in
the chair facing the wall?

Why do "American" hotels always have French and Italian cooks?

Why does the fellow in the next room always get up earlier than I do?

Why does the elevator boy always go clear to the top floor and back